Who has ever watched the Olympics on TV and thought, “Pfft, how difficult could that really be?”
No-one? No, me neither. So why, I ask myself, am I perched high up on a 4in-wide balance beam, petrified by the mere thought of just moving, let alone attempting a jump or back flip?
The reason is the couple stood watching (and sniggering at) me.
Stuart Bates and Charlotte Nichols really did think they could pull off not just one, but every Olympic sport – then set about trying to master all 96 of them.
The pair spent six months learning everything from Greco-Roman wrestling and horse jumping to windsurfing and synchronised swimming, and plan to complete each event within the same Olympic parameters during the 17 days of the Tokyo Games.
Their parallel tournament is called Spennylmpics after Stuart’s brother Spencer, who died of motor neurone disease 10 years ago.
They hope to raise money for research into the cruel and incurable illness.
I, on the other hand, have spent the past six months mostly exercising my fingers on a keyboard.
Even so, I was pretty confident I could match their efforts as I joined them for a day during their last week of training.
Stuart says all the sports he has had to learn were far more difficult than he imagined: “They were all tough in different ways.
“Some require flexibility, with others the hardest part is learning the rules.
“Water polo was probably the hardest, you’re not allowed to touch the bottom or sides of the pool for an hour and a half. I got cramp and disappeared under water. The team had to save me.”
Sadly my own stab at Olympic glory quickly became more like a Greek tragedy. We began with track and field, where all I had to do was lob a ball, hurl a stick, and run a bit.
But there’s a skill involved in throwing a shot putt, explains Charlotte, something to do with the way your body twists and where the metal ball sits on your fingers.
Still, I was happy how my effort hit the ground a few metres away… until Charlotte’s shot landed two metres further. Hers was a heavier ball too, she was quick to point out.
It was a similar story with the javelin and hammer. Stuart was so concerned by the way I was swinging the latter around my body that he aborted before I had the chance to let go, worried I was about to smash myself in the face with 16lb of metal.
But I did leave them both flailing for the 100m, and definitely not because I left the blocks before the starting pistol.
That Stuart, 51, a window cleaner, and Charlotte, 21, a student doctor, have become experts at so many sports – and pretty good at them too – is genuinely impressive.
Their challenge is to complete every Olympic event by the rules of the sport to as high a standard as they can. The couple, of Abingdon, Oxon, have been helped by some of the best.
They were taught pole vault by British No1 Holly Bradshaw, synchronised swimming by Team GB’s Izzy Thorpe and Kate Shortman, and weightlifting by Emily Muskett.
Emily’s support is especially poignant as her mum Celia died from MND, a rare condition which affects the brain and nerves, in December.
Stuart, who hopes the challenge will raise £50,000 for the Motor Neurone Disease Association, says he and brother “Spenny” were armchair sport fans.
He says: “We’d watch every minute of the Olympics, critiquing every sport even though we had absolutely no knowledge. We’d often remark that we could do better.”
Spenny, a talented musician, died in 2011 aged 49, leaving his wife and two sons aged eight and 14.
“When he was diagnosed with MND he was given two years to live, and that’s how long he lived. He made it his mission to raise awareness and fund research to find a cure so others don’t have to die.”
They have already raised £32,200 and completed 30 events out of the 96.
Stuart says: “I’ve learned just how far away the man in the street is to Olympic athletes. We all think we can do it when they make it seem so effortless.
Spenny and I have been proven wrong. We’re better off in our armchairs. We’ve loved throwing ourselves at all the sports. I like being rubbish at something at the beginning because you know you’re only going to get better.”
I was rubbish at the next event, the men’s rings. You’re meant to use body strength to perform mid-air feats, but I could only hang on for a few seconds before collapsing into the foam below.
I did find one event I wasn’t a total failure at – rhythmic gymnastics, which involved waving ribbons and throwing a plastic hula hoop in the air.
“You’re pretty good,” smiled Charlotte, with just a hint of pity. But any confidence was knocked out of me in the boxing ring as Stuart appeared to take great delight in bashing me round the head.
Not to be outdone, Charlotte showed me her karate skills, landing well-placed kicks to my shoulder.
Next was weightlifting when I surprised myself by being able to hoist the huge barbell above my head – a practice one made of light plastic.
By the time I was standing at the dizzying top of the skateboard park wondering how many bones I was about to break, as skaters whizzed around me, I too had developed a new admiration for those superhumans competing in Tokyo.
I think I’ll leave the heroics to them – and get back to my keyboard.
- To find out more about the challenge visit: spennylympics.com
