We’ve all seen the viral TikTok video from Instaagraace, which has racked up over 10 million views now, of the disgraced Astronomer CEO and head of HR being caught on the kisscam while watching a Coldplay concert together.
Being caught in the limelight doesn’t seem to have done much for the career of either individual, (well, unless you count resigning from a circa. $500k salaried role) so I wondered what advice ChatGPT would have for avoiding such potential problems...
This was obviously a joke, but I asked the AI straight up, “How do I avoid a Coldplay Kisscam situation?” and to my surprise, it took the question seriously and came back with a whole strategy on how to avoid getting caught!
Avoiding a Coldplay Kisscam situation
First off, ChatGPT lays out its cards: “Avoiding a 'Coldplay Kisscam situation', where you unexpectedly find yourself on a stadium or concert screen with a camera trained on you during a 'kiss cam' or similar attention-grabbing moment requires a bit of strategic awareness and planning. Here's how to minimize the chances of becoming part of the show:”
Oh, so you’re not going to suggest not having an affair in the first place? Got it. This is an interesting study in ethics, OpenAI, but let’s go with it…
The three ways ChatGPT recommends you avoid being on the kisscam are:
1. Choose your seats wisely, avoiding ventre-facing sections and front row sections.
2. Watching for cameramen, which is a bit obvious, and
3. Sit strategically, opting for odd-numbered seats to solo seats to avoid being interpreted as a romantic pair.
Well, good to know...
In a section called “What not to do” ChatGPT recommends not acting dramatically if the camera pans your way and not holding signs or wearing flashy clothing.
Finally, in “Advanced tips” (yes, seriously), ChatGPT says:
- "Bring a snack or drink – actively eating or drinking is a reliable way to avoid being picked.
- Keep your phone out and appear distracted.
- Wear neutral facial expressions during "romantic" segments or big songs known for emotional moments.”
Kisscam AMA
But wait, there’s more!
As a bonus tip, ChatGPT recommends, “At Coldplay concerts, specific songs (like “Fix You” or “Yellow”) often lead into crowd-spotlight moments. Stay alert when the lighting dims or the camera crew starts moving around."
So, there you have it. The complete cheater's guide to avoiding the Coldplay kisscam, thanks ChatGPT, I guess?
Actually, while the advice from ChatGPT sounds smart, from what this actual kisscam operator says in a Reddit AMA thread, their selection criteria does sound a bit more random: "We just randomly choose. There's usually not enough time to be very selective. And if we catch you on camera and you refuse to kiss, we usually come back to the shot at least once or twice until we get a reaction. We can be kind of mean that way :)"
Given that the camera operator admits they don't have much time to choose, any little thing you do to avoid getting picked can probably make a big difference, which means that ChatGPT's advice, if morally dubious, is probably solid.
