Dear Coleen
I’m a man aged 39 and I’ve been doing some serious soul searching about turning the big 4-0 in a couple of months.
I’ve never had a serious long-term relationship. I was that person who had loads of girlfriends and took the mick out of my mates for being under the thumb, but here I am, still single and wondering where it all went wrong.
I’m on several dating sites and I meet up with women a lot, but I’ve never met anyone I’ve wanted to make a life with.
I’ve never once thought about marriage or kids with any of my girlfriends.
I was particularly close to one ex, but they ended up dumping me because I wouldn’t commit and now I get where they were coming from as I head into middle age without a partner.
I don’t really know why I can’t commit or why I’ve never met anyone I feel strongly about.
I’m easy-going, good fun, pretty handsome and probably a “good catch” in most eyes. I don’t have a problem attracting women, but the relationships never last. Any advice?
Coleen says
Well, I’m not sure you’ll be able to love anyone more than yourself with that description!
Look, life isn’t a race or a competition and it’s pointless comparing yourself to your mates. You don’t have to do what everyone else does. We all reach milestones at different times and, the fact is, you just haven’t met that one person yet who can change your attitude to relationships or someone who wants exactly what you do and isn’t hung up on marriage and kids.
I’m all for being confident and I think it’s one of the most attractive qualities in a person, but I wonder if your confidence is teetering on arrogance?
Or do you have such impossibly high standards that no one is good enough for you? You’ve been single a long time, which might have made you more selfish or choosy.
Maybe you’re also terrified about making the wrong decision.
So look at your expectations and think about whether you’re really giving the women you date a chance.
Are you making an effort to get to know them on a deeper level?
You might be discarding lots of people rather than allowing a connection to develop that could lead to a longer-lasting and more fulfilling relationship.
