Dear Coleen
I can’t stand my boyfriend’s ex but, unfortunately, they have a son together, so I have to put up with her to an extent.
It’s not just that she’s in our lives a lot, but she’s vile towards my boyfriend and I’m finding it increasingly difficult to keep my mouth shut.
She’s also really hostile towards me, even though she barely knows me and I’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve it.
She is always screaming down the phone at my boyfriend for one reason or another, and I’ve also seen her shout and swear in front of their son when she’s come over to pick him up.
My boyfriend was the one who ended their relationship – he says it was because she was so angry all the time, flirted with other guys in front of him and basically had no respect for him at all.
Having seen her in action, I can’t say I blame him. What can I do?
I despise this woman and don’t understand why she’s making things so difficult, but I don’t want to make things worse for my boyfriend by having it out with her. Any ideas?
What would you tell this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
Unfortunately, I don’t think there is a lot you can do – it’s between them really and I think your boyfriend needs to be the one to stand up to her if things are this toxic.
Obviously, they have joint custody of their son, but if it gets to a point where they can’t have a civil conversation and the child is hearing everything, then your boyfriend should consider having someone else to act as a go-between so they don’t have to see each other. Maybe grandparents could possibly help with this.
I understand why you’re angry and feel protective of your boyfriend, but try not to let it impact on your relationship. His ex sounds bitter and angry, and is possibly jealous that he’s found someone else, so don’t let her spoil things for you.
You can also be a calming influence – if your boyfriend has had a rough conversation with her on the phone, don’t get mad yourself.
Diffuse it. You can also help his son by being calm and steady, and helping to create a happy atmosphere in the house.
