I hadn’t had sex in years before meeting my current partner. I helped her through an abusive situation, but I don’t feel confident in my sexual abilities. I feel as if I will never measure up to the primal alpha male that abused her. I’m not sure I can role-play the kind of things she wants, but we really seem to love each other.
She is drawn to you because she feels safe with you, which actually makes you the alpha protector. But be careful. It sounds as though her sexual style might lead her to try to push you beyond your limits. Sexual creativity is usually a good thing, but you don’t have to like everything, even if it seems adventurous and your partner asks you to try it. If it’s too much, just say “no”.
Sometimes abuse survivors have difficulty understanding limits and what is consensual, because their own boundaries have been violated. Sometimes they desire to act out violent or abusive situations for unhealthy reasons. She may unconsciously will you to behave in a way that you will come to regret.
Stay aware, and listen to your own self-protective voice. And don’t fret about sexual confidence; it’s not about steaming ahead with a preordained sexual plan. It is simply the courage to explore, ask and learn what truly gives physical pleasure to a partner, and be willing to share your own desires with her.
