Get all your news in one place.
100’s of premium titles.
One app.
Start reading
The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle

I am intimidated by my partner's sexual experience and struggle to perform

The disparity in our sexual experience makes me feel very uncomfortable (posed by models).
The disparity in our sexual experience makes me feel very uncomfortable (posed by models). Photograph: Noel Hendrickson/Getty Images

I’m 38 and I have only slept with four women, all of whom were long-term girlfriends. Last year I broke up with my girlfriend of 11 years. A few months later I met a woman of my age whom I really like and whose sexual experience is very different from mine. She has slept with over 100 men, and says she cheated on all of her long-term partners and was engaged in S&M and group sex. This disparity in our sexual experience makes me feel very uncomfortable, to the point of giving me performance anxiety, which has never happened before. I really want to stay with her, but I don’t know how to deal with this.

• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.

• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).

Sign up to read this article
Read news from 100’s of titles, curated specifically for you.
Already a member? Sign in here
Related Stories
Top stories on inkl right now
One subscription that gives you access to news from hundreds of sites
Already a member? Sign in here
Our Picks
Fourteen days free
Download the app
One app. One membership.
100+ trusted global sources.