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Manchester Evening News
Manchester Evening News
National
Sophie Halle-Richards

'I always dreamed of being a mum - I was told autism would stop me'

When Terri Loughman was diagnosed with high-functioning autism during her twenties, she was told she wouldn't make a good mum.

By the time she'd reached adulthood, Terri had experienced more trauma than most people would in a lifetime, and serious mental health issues had plagued most of her early life.

Her autism means that she finds it difficult to recognise other people's emotions, and doctors feared she wouldn't be able to make a proper connection with a newborn baby.

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But after years of fertility problems, in 2021, Terri and her partner Nikki welcomed their baby daughter Riley into the world.

At first, Terri, now 39, feared that doctors might have been right. She struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts, fearing she couldn't provide the care her daughter needed.

But thanks to the incredible support she received from an organisation in Manchester, she and Riley now have an incredible bond.

Terri now wants to share her story to provide hope to other women with mental health issues, and to demonstrate why the help of Sure Start centres across the country are so vital.

Terri and her partner Nikki with their 16-month old daughter Riley (Terri Loughman)

"I was formally diagnosed with autism in 2012 and my psychiatrist used to say I wouldn't be able to have children because of my mental health problems," she said, speaking to the M.E.N.

"In 2014 I was given a different support worker and she told me that with the right support, she thought I could be a mum. My partner doesn't have any mental health problems and it was her right to be able to have a child as well.

"Autism is a spectrum and everyone lies differently on that spectrum. I always wanted to have a baby since I was a teenager but I never thought it would be possible."

In October 2021, Terri fell pregnant with her daughter after the couple went through IVF. Their fertility journey took over eleven years, in which time she experienced more trauma, including the loss of several friends to suicide.

Riley was born in October 2021 (Terri Loughman)

After Riley was born, Terri realised that being a mum wasn't going to be simple for her. "Being autistic I didn't realise I had been living in a bubble," she said.

"When I had my daughter all my routine and everything I'd known just disappeared. I started spiralling with depression and not bonding with my daughter, and I was really struggling to the point where I wanted to take my own life.

"I was referred to the early help outreach services through the Sure Start centres. I believe if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here now."

Sure Start centres give help and advice on child and family health, parenting, money, training and employment across the country. The centres have been widely praised for helping to give children 'the best start in life,' but have seen funding slashed in recent years.

Terri was allocated her own outreach worker named Becky, at a Sure Start centre in Manchester, who helped her build a bond with her daughter.

Terri has now formed a strong bond with her daughter (Terri Loughman)

"At a time when I felt lost and change was difficult to adjust to, she reassured me, supported me and allowed time for me to work through things helping me learn skills to look after Riley and myself," Terri said.

Through Sure Start, Terri was able to take part in classes, and Becky and the team helped her adapt so that she felt comfortable being alone with her daughter.

"I started to feel that I was getting a routine back and this is crucial for someone with autism," she said. "I've actually made a couple of friends as well.

"Becky's genuine, warm-hearted character has helped me to stay afloat when I've felt like I've been drowning and being able to attend the groups has given me a safe place to go with my daughter.

"I could have ended up in hospital or taken my life but now I love my daughter and feel something for her which can be very difficult for people with autism.

"She is none the wiser that I have mental health problems but had those services not stepped in, my daughter might not be thriving like she is now."

Terri, who lives with her partner in Hulme, has recently got back into part-time work - something she never saw as being a viable option due to her autism and caring for a young child.

"I'm doing two hours a night at a solicitors which isn't much but to me that's a massive step," she said. "The plan for the future is that the Sure Start centre is going to see if I can start doing voluntary work there.

"They gave me the hope that I needed. I feel so much love and happiness for my daughter. I'm not just a mental health patient anymore, they've given me hope."

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