Two years ago, my children, India and Hudson, were diagnosed as autistic. But this was not the end of the diagnostic process for our family, as shortly after, my husband was diagnosed too.
During the process, I would send Kelly questions that the psychiatrist had sent us about our kids, as well as share my answers with him to see if he agreed. Kelly would often say “is that describing me, or Hudson?”, as he began to see a lot of autistic traits in himself.
After going back and forth for several months trying to get a diagnosis for both of our children, Kelly decided he wanted to know for sure whether he was autistic. Many adults are happy self-diagnosing and accepting that they have autism. But for Kelly, he felt he would always be left wondering. It wasn’t just about validation, he also wanted to be a positive role model for our children who had just gone through that process.
Have you been diagnosed as autistic in adulthood? Tell your story in the comments below
Like Christine McGuinness, my husband was officially diagnosed with autism in adulthood, at the age of 44. His diagnosis has helped him make sense of who he is, as he always felt different but never knew why.
Kelly and I have been married for 13 years and have always had a great relationship, but his autism diagnosis took it to another level. I used to drop hints to him about chores around the house and became frustrated when he didn't get the message. Even down to the simple things, where I'd say “the bin is full”, expecting him to empty it, and he’d just reply with “yes, I know”. I didn’t want to nag, but I didn’t realise that my choice of words were vague and confusing to him.
Now, I’m much more direct with my language, and I simply say “please can you empty the bin”. Just changing the way I phrase things has improved our communication massively. Knowing he is autistic makes so much sense now and really helps us.
I’ve never thought about my change of outlook as being more forgiving or lenient, as I believe I’m actually much harder to live with than he is! So if Kelly walks off in the middle of a conversation, I don’t take it personally.
Having been diagnosed, Kelly decided to leave the corporate world after 23 years. Together, we launched our own business - an online community and autism consultancy called Perfectly Autistic, which has grown to almost 700 members and helps businesses to train staff members about neurodiversity - something we’re both incredibly passionate about.
Without my husband’s diagnosis, he would still be commuting, working long hours and being away from our family for extended periods of time. But his diagnosis meant that Kelly took the leap to start a new career in his forties - and I'm incredibly proud of him for that.
Just like Christine said, an autism diagnosis can be "a positive thing". I'm glad my husband pushed to be diagnosed, because our relationship is all the better for it.
As told to Gabriella Ferlita
