WAGNER LOVE
In years to come, somebody will write a cracking book about David Wagner’s Huddersfield. It won’t be The Fiver, because by then we’ll be in the retirement community, rocking back and forth and boasting about how we once had a face-to-face interview with Les Reed. But somebody will do it, because in the last two years they have produced one of the more charming stories in English football history.
The book will include a great chapter on 9 May 2018. Sod the actual football, though their 1-1 draw at Chelsea was bursting with an infectious, demented heroism. The really good bit will be the story of what happened afterwards. Huddersfield abandoned plans to fly back north and spent the night drinking expensive bottles of Liver Compromiser. “You never know who you will find partying at Chinawhite,” boasts the website for the famous London nightspot. “Recent attendees have included the likes of: Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Moss, Tom Cruise, Cara Delevingne, Rihanna, Drake, One Direction, Kendall Jenner, Idris Elba, Ciara, Lewis Hamilton, Naomi Campbell, Jordan Dunn, Rita Ora, Usain Bolt, Gigi Hadid, Laurent Depoitre, Jonathan Hogg and Mathias Jørgensen, aka Zanka.”
After a night of diligent rehydration, the Huddersfield players got the train back up north on Thursday morning looking an absolute state. There’s a strong whiff of Old Football about Huddersfield, and that’s high praise where The Fiver comes from. Their manager David Wagner – whose reaction to avoiding relegation was to give the players a free pass for 48 hours – has shown what can be achieved without ridiculous money, ego, entitlement or a razor; we’ll forgive him and his team their comically brazen time-wasting. Wagner, the players and the fans are involved in a virtuous love triangle that The Fiver would find genuinely moving were we not clinically dead inside.
Mind, if Huddersfield aren’t careful they’ll receive English football’s new kiss of death: the phrase “Model Club”. It used to apply to Southampton and Swansea, one of whom will be relegated on Sunday. It will almost certainly be Swansea, and it has now emerged that Carlos Carvalhal will be quietly bundled out the door marked ‘Do One’ at the end of the season. Chris Coleman, a specialist in getting teams out of the Championship, is the early favourite, although we quite like the odds of 5,000-1 on our stereotypical cousin, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Fiver, getting the job. He’s Welsh, you know. In years to come, somebody will also write a cracking book on Swansea City in the 2010s. For the most part it’ll be a rollocking, feelgood yarn. Just don’t expect a happy ending, eh.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“After much reflection we decided we couldn’t play a show during the Champions League final. We asked Uefa to change the date of the match but they denied our request. We would always want to give 100% when we play but in this instance our heads wouldn’t have been in the right place. We sincerely hope you understand” – Echo and the Bunnymen explain why they’re changing the date of their Birmingham Symphony Hall show from 26 May to 29 May. Fumed fan Robert O’Callaghan: “You should honour your commitments in life – not jump to the better offer as it suits you. Very flaky – come on Real Madrid.”
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THE FIVEЯ
Yes, it’s our not-singing, not-dancing World Cup Fiver. Out every Thursday lunchtime BST, here’s the latest edition, on VAR.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Dear Christopher Smith (yesterday’s Fiver letter), I can’t speak for all West Ham fans but I for one think that the London Stadium is an ideal place for the Red Sox to play the Yankees. The home side has served up nothing but balls all season – and the away side has been striking with regularity” – Ian Sargeant.
“It’s times like these that Derby must be kicking themselves for knocking down the Baseball Ground” – Phil Mollicone.
“Is your other reader disturbed as much as I am by the growing TV phenomenon of young fans holding up pieces of tatty cardboard on which they have crayoned: ‘[insert name of targeted player] please can I have your shirt?’” – Mike Hollis.
“Not sure if Leo Messi will be with me, but here in Argentina some of us will be shouting for Boreham Wood in this weekend’s play-off final for a place in the Football League. As a lad journalist, I spent the 1970-71 season reporting on the team of Mickey Jackson and Will France, for the Boreham Wood and Elstree Post, a fine local organ if ever there was. We beat the mighty St Albans on the way to the Amateur Cup quarter-finals, a big deal back then. To think of the Wood Army going to Wembley now is terrific evidence of the Struggle and the Dream. Wishing the lads and chairman Danny Hunter the very best of luck, all the way from Buenos Aires” – David Smith.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Phil Mollicone.
THE RECAP
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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The Foreign Office insists Russian and UK police are cooperating well on plans to protect fans travelling to the Ethics World Cup, despite diplomatic issues caused by the Salisbury poisoning.
Why does Arsène Wenger usually schedule his Arsenal press conferences for 8.45am? “I like that you have to get up early because no one likes to get up early in the press,” he honked. “I know if you start early not everyone will turn up so it will be a bit easier for me.”
Hibs boss Neil Lennon is taking their 2-1 derby defeat to Hearts in his trademark calm fashion. “I have got some re-evaluation to do for my own personal thoughts or aims,” he fumed. “Maybe it’s a rash thing to say but I do it every year.”
Jermain Defoe has been sharing his World Cup memories, including this gem from 2010: “When we were in South Africa, I remember one night I was bored, me and Wayne Rooney sat in his room and watched his whole wedding on DVD.”
And Martin Allen has left non-league Barnet. “It’s been an amazing, unforgettable eight weeks,” he whooped of his fifth exit as Bees boss.
STILL WANT MORE?
Liam Rosenior on Darren Moore and West Brom.
How football is saving the lives of young Turkish girls in Malatya.
Huddersfield staying afloat is the Premier League’s greatest survival story, cheers Paul Doyle.
Juve’s winning habit proved too strong for Milan to break, reports Paolo Bandini.
The latest in our archive of World Cup moments: the Conte Verde’s trip to Uruguay in 1930.
Tottenham can sign off at Wembley on Sunday with mission accomplished, writes Amy Lawrence.
Tune in for chat about Cantona, Hoddle and Kenny G in the Nessun Dorma podcast.
Give us your World Cup predictions.
And Oliver Slow dispatches from Nasty Leeds’ hastily organised jaunt to Myanmar.
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