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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Lizzie Cernik

How we met: ‘I planned to break up with him – then he proposed’

Michael and Velina in San Francisco in 2021.
‘We’ve had so many amazing adventures together’ … Michael and Velina in San Francisco in 2021. Photograph: Michael/Velina

Michael and Velina were 14 years old the first time they met in 1975. Velina was introduced as a new horn player for the school band, where Michael was already playing percussion. “My dad was in the army so we moved around a lot,” she says. “We’d just been transferred to San Francisco and I was starting a new school.”

Michael was smitten straight away, but he was too shy to talk to her. “She was the only Black girl in the band and that was a big deal at the time,” he says. “I remember her flashing this cute, shy smile when she sat down. I was at that awkward age where I worried that if I talked to her I might never stop.” Although he felt a connection, it was years before they formed a friendship. “I spent a lot of time looking lovingly at the back of her head,” he laughs. After middle school, they went to the same high school where they joined the band, choir and theatre group. “I always noticed him and thought he seemed really nice,” Velina says.

A few years later, they got to know each other better. “One night, we were waiting outside the school after a concert we’d both been in,” says Michael. “We realised her dad had forgotten to pick her up, so I stayed with her to wait for him as I didn’t want her to be alone.” Velina was grateful for his company. “He seemed really nice and intelligent,” she says. “At that age, boys can be dorky and horrible but he was cute and had a really fun sense of humour. We both admitted that we’d had crushes on each other in the past.” When high school ended, they went to different colleges, but stayed in touch through their shared passion for the arts. “We joined the same local singing and theatre groups and did musicals together,” says Michael. “Part of my reason for joining was wanting to spend more time with Velina.”

Michael and Velina perform at Renaissance Faire, San Francisco, in 1987.
‘She’s so kindhearted’ … Velina and Michael perform at Renaissance Faire, San Francisco, in 1987. Photograph: Michael/Velina

By 1980, they began to wonder if there could be more than friendship between them. “We’d both been dating other people but we knew we needed to explore those feelings,” says Velina. They took things slowly and didn’t become a couple until a year later. For the next decade, they built up their careers as freelance theatre artists and moved in together in the late 80s. “Not long after that I became unwell after the condo we were living in was treated for pests,” says Velina. At the time, Michael was away touring for work and the stress put a strain on their relationship. “We met for dinner one night and he asked if I would marry him,” she says. “I had actually been planning to break up with him. We’d been together for years and he hadn’t shown interest in marriage so I wasn’t sure where things were going.” Realising how committed he was, she said yes, and the pair got married in 1992.

They continued to enjoy careers as artists, working for the same theatre company and regularly touring together. In 2003, their son Zachary arrived. “When he was born, he came on tour with us and we had daycare within the company when we were performing, so we were very fortunate.” Michael was also able to barter his services for childcare while Zachary was young. “At one point, I was asked to direct a circus, but instead of paying me in cash, I asked if we could have childcare. It meant that Velina and I didn’t have to quit the shows we were working on. For the next three years, our son was frequently watched, and picked up from school, by clowns.”

Velina loves how talented and funny her partner is. “He comes up with solutions, whatever the problem is,” she says. “We’ve been able to have so many amazing experiences and adventures together. If there’s something you really want to do, having him on your side means you’ll do it.” For Michael, Velina’s honesty and integrity stand out. “She’s so kindhearted, and she really cares about people. She lights up a room whenever she enters.”

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