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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
World
Lizzie Cernik

How we met after 60: ‘I gave our first date 8/10 – but I think she was expecting 10/10!’

Bala and Sue in France.
‘I love that Sue is so vivacious and active’ … Bala and Sue in France in July. Photograph: Supplied image

When Sue emigrated to Vancouver from the UK in 2020, falling in love couldn’t have been further from her mind. Her husband had died the previous year, and she wanted to take her mind off things by focusing on her work as an artist. “I’d been spending half the year in Vancouver for many years – one of my sons lives there and I already had lots of friends,” she says.

She kept herself “happy and busy” with work and family until, in early 2022, a friend convinced her to give online dating a try. “I had no interest in romance, but thought maybe I could meet a companion to go out for dinners with,” she says.

She immediately matched with Bala, a retired widower from Mauritius who lived on Vancouver Island. “He seemed academic, but he liked a glass of wine and played pickleball, which interested me.”

They arranged to meet in Stanley Park, with Bala taking the two-hour ferry across to the mainland. Because of the travel distance, they didn’t want to just meet for a quick coffee, and their first date ended up lasting about five hours. “I liked the fact that she was a PhD student and that she’d graduated in ceramics,” says Bala. “I’d never been out with an artist before. She’d also been married for a long time, like me, which told me she valued family life, like I do.”

Sue and Bala on a cruise to Alaska in 2022.
Sue and Bala on a cruise to Alaska in 2022. Photograph: Supplied image

Bala liked her instantly, but Sue was overwhelmed by the length of their date. “I felt it became a bit like a job interview,” she laughs. Afterwards, Bala sent her a message, but blotted his copybook by rating their date. “I gave it 8/10, but I think she was expecting 10/10. I used to be a chemistry professor, so I’ve been grading everything all my life. My friends did tell me off when I told them.” Sue was equally unimpressed. “I thought, ‘Oh bugger him, I’m not being graded.’ I said thanks for the date and have a nice life.”

Realising his mistake, Bala sent her another message a week later, asking if she fancied a game of pickleball. They decided to meet up for lunch. “I’d already had this strong feeling that I should contact him again, so when he sent that message I wanted to give it another try,” says Sue. “I felt very relaxed, and we had a long lunch. We asked each other deep questions about our lives, and we even had a joke about the date grading.”

On their third date, Sue went to visit him on Vancouver Island, and the couple have never looked back. “I pretty much moved in and never left,” says Sue. They now enjoy an active life together, playing pickleball three times a week and taking part in their local running club. “We love travelling, too,” says Bala. “We’ve been to France, Mauritius and the States a few times, as well as cruising to Alaska and Mexico. I love that Sue is so vivacious and active.” The couple also enjoy spending time with family. “We have five children and seven grandchildren between us. We’re a blended family now and everyone is happy for us,” says Sue.

Bala says that Sue keeps him young. “I think 70 is the new 50, because that’s what I see in Sue. We go out as much as we can, and spend lots of time with friends. She’s introduced me to parts of Vancouver I didn’t know were here and we’re planning to move to the mainland together soon.”

Sue likes that she can always rely on her partner to keep her calm in a crisis. “If we spend a night apart, we miss each other tremendously,” she says. “I always joke that it was pheromones and pickleball that came into play when we met. My friends were surprised at first as I was so against dating, but we’ve been very lucky to find this genuine love.”

Callout

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