Q: You can't afford to buy your children brand-new back-to-school gear (backpacks, clothes, lunch boxes, etc.). How do you tell them in a way that won't worry them?
Begin by not beating yourself up. All children want is to feel loved, properly cared for and protected. If this new school year happens to be a time when a family is forced to conserve, place the emphasis on what's really important. Use it as a teachable moment to help your children be grateful for what they do have, rather than focusing on what they do not.
It's OK to spare them the whole truth about why you are not able to afford new gear, especially if it may cause worry. Instead, get them excited by sharing how you plan to repurpose their gear from last year. A fabric backpack and lunchbox can be tossed in the washing machine and come out almost like new. Clothes can also be mixed and matched to create perfect outfits that appear brand-new.
_ Lisa Gache, founder and CEO of Beverly Hills Manners Inc., and author of "Beverly Hills Manners: Golden Rules From the World's Most Glamorous ZIP Code."
I think the key is to be frank but calm. You don't want to frighten the kids, making it seem so dire that they have to go without something or else their house will go away. Use comparisons: Instead of the fancy backpack, say, "Here is a less-expensive backpack, and with the leftover money, we can get this."
If it is something they really want, that is very important to them, is there a way that you can save together and buy it together with a piggy bank? That way you are not dismissing them, but you find a way to help get it through saving. It also helps with ownership, and they are proud when they earn it themselves.
_ Ashley Merryman, author of "How Not to Talk to Your Kids" and "NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children."
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