Q: How do you politely shut down a conversation when people ask "when are you having kids?"
A knee-jerk reaction or an angry defensive response can erupt when we think we owe someone an explanation.
A possible suggestion would be to pause and then just switch topics. If the person doesn't get the subtle hint, tell him or her that this is a very personal question and that you would feel more comfortable talking about other topics: "Actually, it's interesting you ask. ... That's a question I'm not comfortable answering at this time."
Of course, a simple lighthearted and quick response could be, "Whoa ... not willing to go there now."
It also depends on the closeness of the relationship.
With a friend or parent, a good response would be: "We have walked through a lot of life's journeys together, and I trust and value your input, but I am not ready to answer this question at this time. So, moving on ... how is your job?"
_ Donna Clark Love, expert, trainer and motivational speaker in bully prevention
The best way to shut down the conversation is to be polite but curt.
If a vague, "Oh I'm not sure" or a truthful, "I don't know if I want children" doesn't suffice, go with something like, "My reproductive choices are quite personal, and so I hope you'll understand that this is a topic I don't want to discuss."
If they persist, stick with, "This is quite personal, and I don't care to discuss it; please drop it" on repeat with a quizzical look.
For the truly pushy, feel free to let them know that there are plenty of people who want children but have a hard time conceiving, and for whom these kinds of invasive and rude questions would be particularly unwelcome.
You don't owe anyone an explanation or an apology for not wanting to talk about the future of your uterus or your family.
_ Jill Filipovic, attorney and feminist author of the "The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness"
