It's a normal weekday afternoon, and my house – also, unfortunately, my workspace – is crammed with teenagers. Some of them are in their usual pose – lying on the sofa, TV zapper in hand, surrounded by the debris of several meals – and one has just made a large lunch, leaving the kitchen looking like a scene from a horror movie.
In the good old days my daughters – Rosie is taking A-levels, and Elinor GCSEs – would be out at school between 8am and 4.30pm, so during office hours our home would be a haven of peace. No longer: the dreaded "study leave" has now kicked in, and the only reason they go to school is to sit an exam. There is no alternative but to hunker down and get used to this new world in which the doorbell rings constantly ("It's just Janine/Hetty/Molly/Charlotte/Freddie/Tom coming to help me revise"), the fridge is always empty, and the shower is in constant use. So how can a parent help? Here are the results of my straw poll, conducted above the din (loud music is essential to prolonged study):
1 "Buy revision food. That's stuff like dried fruit, fruit juice, french bread, pasta, pesto. Chocolate biscuits. Cereal bars. Ice cream. More ice cream. Even more ice cream."
2 "Don't constantly tell me to work, mum. When I'm working ALL THE TIME."
3 "Don't tell me to try my best when I go off to take an exam. What do you think I'm going to do? NOT try my best?"
4 "Stop telling me you know what it's like, when you haven't a clue." "I did O and A Levels myself, you know!" I retort. "Yes, but that was a million years ago and you didn't actually do my courses. You haven't a clue, mum – face it."
5 "Don't keep on about how much you love us! We know. JUST BUY THE ICE CREAM!"
