In my younger days, I used cooking a roast as an excuse to start drinking at 11am. I’d crack open a bottle of wine, put on the Rolling Stones, and it would be gone by the time lunch was ready. But now, with parenthood, comes the constant urge to fall asleep after excess alcohol. Yet, I still like to sip while cooking, so I have developed drinks that combine enjoyment with sobriety.
My current favourite involves making an Aperol or Campari spritz, but instead of white wine, use grapefruit juice and then top up with fizzy water. This way you have a delicious mildly alcoholic drink that can be upgraded for guests who aren’t wielding sharp knives. The Bloody Mary fits into this category too. I’ll have an almost Virgin Mary while guests can have theirs as strong as they like. The essentials in my Marys are: tomato juice (obviously), celery salt, lemon juice, Tabasco, Lea & Perrins, black pepper and a dash of fino sherry. You can’t really taste the quality of the spirit through all that, so feel free to use the cheapest supermarket vodka. Nobody will notice.
My final sober kitchen classic is fizzy water, ice and lime, with a dash of orange bitters. I serve it in cut crystal tumblers that used to belong to my grandparents, so that it feels like a proper drink.
All the time, of course, I’m opening bottles and having a little taste, just to check that they’re not corked or whatnot. What a stress wine can be! Especially for a wine bore like me. The truth is that most people don’t really notice when I open something special. It can also put them ill at ease if they feel expected to comment on the wine. Instead, I find that a plain white burgundy or a better class of Australian chardonnay goes with pretty much everything, and the red equivalent is something not too heavy from the Rhône; Guigal’s Côtes-du-Rhône (available from Waitrose and Majestic) is exemplary. Make sure you always have something like these in the house and stop worrying. I save the really good stuff for when my father comes over.
The fun then comes towards the end of the meal. Does anyone fancy a glass of port? This is the moment when previously shy guests will say “now you’re talking”. Few can resist a 10-year-old tawny from Churchills. If you really want your guests to stay, you could offer them a single malt whisky. With careful planning, you should be able to keep going until the Antiques Roadshow comes on. The trick is to alternate alcohol with tea or coffee and plenty of water. A glass of madeira goes very well with cake at 4.30pm and it’s good to have a chilled bottle of beaujolais to accompany the leftovers.
So, to sum up: start slowly, resist the urge to show off with the wine, hit the hard stuff after you’ve eaten and never, ever resist the urge to take a nap.
Henry Jeffreys’ first book, Empire of Booze, will be published by Unbound in 2016. @henrygjeffreys
