A man is met by the devil at the gates of hell with a greeting: “You killed 30 succulents. Do you know how hard that is?” When this viral meme floated across my timeline, I’ll admit I cracked a smile, but to me it also highlights one of the great indoor gardening myths: the idea is that cacti and succulents are universally easy to grow. Trust me, under the right conditions killing cacti and succulents is really quite easy, at least eventually.
Fortunately, getting it right with these plants is almost as easy as getting it wrong, as long as you understand a few basic facts about their native habitat and how to replicate this at home. So here are two incredibly simple tips for success with these beautiful, popular and surprisingly forgiving plants.
Cacti and succulents are species that have evolved in the arid regions of the world. Millions of years of natural selection have bestowed on them the remarkable ability to handle searing UV radiation, unrelenting drought and huge fluctuations in temperature. However, the very modifications responsible for these “superhero” abilities often make these plants susceptible to the opposite environmental stresses, such as very low light levels and excessive moisture at their roots. Sadly, in most living rooms it is precisely these latter conditions that they are most likely to be subjected to, exposing them to their horticultural kryptonite.
Most spots in everyday homes have nowhere near enough light to fuel their growth, especially in winter, causing the plants to react by stretching out their stems or leaves in search of the sun. If your once beautifully compact, dark green plant is starting to get long, pale and lanky, that’s what’s happening.
The solution is to place the plant as close to a window as possible, preferably a sunny, south-facing one. If you don’t know which way your windows face, just click on any “Maps” app on a smart phone to find out. And when I say “close’” I mean really close. A maximum of 1m away from the glass is almost certainly the only spot where cacti and succulents will be truly happy in the average home.
Curiously, the most common cause of houseplant death is overwatering rather than underwatering. Being natives of arid climates, cacti and succulents are especially vulnerable to this. It is particularly the case when their growth rate slows down in winter. Many commercial growers will, in fact, not water their plants at all for months on end between October and March, to avoid any chance of their roots rotting in cold, wet earth. As modern living rooms are far warmer than commercial cacti growers’ greenhouses, I tend to split the difference and water them sparingly, perhaps just once a month, in this time period, slowly building this up to once a week in the summer.
And if it makes you feel any better, I have killed far more than 30 succulents over the years, so I am certainly heading straight to The Bad Place. But with these two simple tips, you could spare yourself the same fate – and enjoy keeping your plants safe and healthy, too.
Follow James on Twitter @Botanygeek
