Q: You're worried your partner might be getting too heavy, but you don't want to hurt his or her feelings. How do you bring it up?
If you know the other person's motivations, you can offer weight-loss advice without offending.
Some people are motivated by achievements or caregiving. Others are motivated by money and prestige. Knowing this will help you choose your words.
Talking to achievers or thinkers, you might say, "I wonder what it takes to lose 2 pounds in one week. Should we find out together?"
For caregivers, a more effective approach is to point out how much energy kids or pets have and then add, "Losing a few pounds might help us keep up with them better."
With money-driven people, offer a cash prize. Say something like, "If we each lose one pound a week, we can take $200 and use it any way we please."
Since the weight-loss topic is sensitive, don't place yourself on a superior scale; offer to be involved by using words such as "us," "we" or "together."
_ Dr. Carmen Simon, cognitive neuroscientist and author of "Impossible to Ignore: Creating Memorable Content to Influence Decisions"
Often, weight gain is a sign of stress, low self-esteem or trouble sleeping, so the first step is to check in and see if your partner is OK.
If it was simply an indulgent summer, the next step is to see if weight is important to him or her.
If he or she is open to making changes, ask how you can be supportive. Be sure that your good intentions won't come across as policing and controlling.
For instance, avoid saying, "I picked out five low-carb dinners to help you lose weight." This can lead to problems in the relationship, as well as secretive binge eating.
Try instead, "Why don't we sit down and pick out some healthy dinners that we both will enjoy for the week?"
Finally, don't withhold love, affection or intimacy while you are working on this. I recommend sitting close to your partner when you are having these conversations. Your partner most likely knows that his or her body has changed and may already be feeling vulnerable or ashamed. Physical rejection will only make things worse.
_ Tara Coleman, clinical nutritionist and speaker on building healthy eating habits
