Margaret Gallagher, local campaigns manager for NSPCC Northern Ireland, explains how to have simple conversations to help keep your child safe from sexual abuse.
With families spending more time together as stricter lockdown restrictions come into force across Northern Ireland, it might be a good time for parents and carers to have what can seem like a difficult conversation with children, but it is a much needed one to have.
You’ve probably already talked to your children about things like crossing the road safely. But have you spoken to them about how to stay safe from sexual abuse? We know it’s a conversation no parent wants to have, but we believe it can feel just as natural and easy as the road safety chat.
Since 2012, the NSPCC’s ‘Underwear Rule’ campaign – also known as the PANTS campaign – has been supporting and encouraging parents to talk to children aged between four and 11 about staying safe from sexual abuse.
Figures from the PSNI illustrate the importance of the PANTS campaign. In 2019/20, there were 463 recorded child sex offences involving children aged 4 to 8 which is over 22% of all child sex crimes against children in Northern Ireland.
The PANTS tools and resources give adults clear and simple ways to open these conversations in a clear and child-friendly way. The key messages for children are:
P – Privates are privates.
A – Always remember your body belongs to you.
N – No means no.
T – Talk about secrets that upset you.
S – Speak up, someone can help.
You may think: this isn’t for my child. No parent ever wants to think their child will be affected by sexual abuse, but that’s exactly why it’s vital you have this conversation – to help keep them safe.
We also understand that talking about this topic might feel daunting. But it doesn’t have to be. PANTS has been created specifically – with the help of parents and professionals – to make sure these conversations are as easy and appropriate as possible for children from the age of four upwards.
You might feel that your child is too young to talk about sex, and that’s why PANTS never mentions it. It’s about practical and reassuring messages to help stay safe. Talking PANTS is about using simple, child-friendly language to give your child confidence and knowledge.
Every family is different and when and where you have these conversations will depend on your child – it’s all about whatever feels natural for you and them. A few examples of where other parents have told us it worked for them have included when they are running their child’s bath, or helping them with things like getting dressed or applying cream.
A car journey is a great time to talk, unfortunately we all aren’t out and about as much these days due to restrictions.
In normal circumstances, a good time to bring up the topic is on the journey home from school or a weekend walk to the shops.
Going swimming is an ideal time to talk about the idea that what’s covered by your pants and your swimwear is private.
If they’ve had a lesson about personal relationships at school, ask them what they remember when they get home.
If their favourite TV programme is handling a sensitive storyline encourage them to talk about anything that upsets them.
How and when you talk PANTS with your child is always your choice. After all, you know them better than anyone. Once you’re comfortable with all the messages, start talking PANTS with the help of our friendly dinosaur mascot Pantosaurus featured throughout our website page and materials.
We have a range of other PANTS guides for parents, carers and children, including guides in a number of different languages and for people with a disability. We also have guides for foster carers, parents with a learning disability, parents of children with autism, and a film for deaf children. You can find these on the NSPCC website.
You can find lots of information and support about talking PANTS. Or call the NSPCC helpline at any time on 0808 800 5000 for any advice or email us at help@nspcc.org.uk.
