Being publicly clever is still prized in Oxford – so much so that it has now spread to pet memorials. John Davie, a lecturer in classics, has set up a business, Dead Pets Society, writing Latin verse to commemorate domestic animals. “By using the elegiac metre, I’m putting myself in a linguistic straitjacket,” Davie says. “It’s like a love poet in a sense, like John Donne or Andrew Marvell, writing in verse about something that burns them up inside. It’s therapeutic and at the same time shows respect and strength of feeling.” With poem, translation, calligraphy and transfer to vellum, the whole thing will set you back about £150. Not every pet memorial is as cultured, but many are just as far out. Here are some of the options:
Freeze-drying
The technology to freeze-dry pets has been around for years, but societal crassness has only recently caught up. Your pet is left in a sealed chamber at a very low temperature for up to six months, and its moisture is slowly harvested, apparently leaving the animal in a far more realistic state than simple taxidermy. Yours for around £2,500 from the likes of Eddy’s Wildlife Studio, Missouri.
Snout-imprint jewellery
If the idea of mounting Trixibelle above the fireplace doesn’t fit in with your decor, why not have a snout imprint made from Rock My World on Etsy, a latter-day death mask for your own little Emperor Napoleon? £156.
A firework display
Australian company Ashes to Ashes will blast your pet’s cremated remains into the sky and explode them with gunpowder, raining a tasteful rainbow of animal mortality over your grieving family in a beautiful firework display, with full video coverage. Prices vary.
A diamond
Why waste those precious ashes on a fireworks display when you can have them turned into a sparkly diamond to flaunt at those whose pets are still living? Maybe because it will cost between £2,050 and £19,000?
Full military honours
If none of the former appeals, and if your pet has seen combat, there is an outside chance you could do what Lance Cpl Jeff DeYoung did for US marine bomb-sniffing dog Cena. DeYoung, Cena’s handler, put together a tribute that included dress uniforms and a flag-draped coffin. You might want to skip the pre-death parade in a military Jeep, as Cena, who had cancer, was packed off to the vet’s for euthanasia, looking, well, a bit sad.
