Exhausted, freezing and aching with a man shouting in her face, Andrea McLean almost found herself crumbling under the weight of a dark, repressed trauma.
A bag was whipped off her head in the Chilean mountains before SAS man Ant Middleton called her 'very fragile' in an interrogation, his words almost making a tearful Andrea crack.
But Andrea now reveals that off-camera, she was taught a “powerful” lesson by former Special Forces soldier Ollie Ollerton which has changed her life.
Andrea said: “Once I had opened up about my past off-camera they could understand why I behave in the way that I do, why I react to things the way I do.
Andrea McLean collapsed with hypothermia in storm on mountain for Celebrity SAS
“Ollie said, 'Every time we're shouting at you, channel that. Use that anger.
“So I started to think, 'I'll show you, I can do it,' rather than being scared.
“That was a very powerful and empowering lesson.
“It's been my main take-away from the SAS experience.”
Brits use nearly half of their annual leave on events they feel forced to attend
Andrea said that she will never publicly reveal what that dark memory from her past which rose to the surface while filming was.
But the psychological resilience she learned on Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins for Stand Up to Cancer has helped her cope.
She said: “I’m quite softly spoken. I’m not aggressive.
“But I did start thinking ‘I’ll show you’ and I did dig really deep.
“I remember running with a rucksack which they put a bag of sand in to make even heavier. I was soaking wet, freezing cold, slower than all the others.
“I remember thinking, ‘do I like this? No. Can I do this? Yes. So just keep going.’
Ferne McCann reveals trolls suggested she give daughter Sunday the middle name 'Roast'
“That mindset is something I’ve really taken away from it.
“We often stop doing something just because we don’t like how it feels. That little voice in our head tells us it’s too hard when we actually can do it.
“Many of us naturally walk away from discomfort because it is not nice.
“I used that mindset today. I ran 6k before work. I wasn’t that fit, everything hurt and I wasn’t enjoying it but I just kept going.
“The SAS experience was life-changing and very intense.
“All 12 of us stay in touch, we have a WhatsApp group which pings every day.”
'Broken' mum admits she doesn't love adopted daughter as much as biological one
The grit Andrea practiced on Celebrity SAS will pay off when she runs the Vitality 10k - in her underwear - next month in London.
She said: “I'll be running 10k in my pants to promote positive body image.
“There’ll be 800 of us thundering down the road in our underwear.
“People of all different shapes and sizes, people with debilitating illnesses, all running together.
“I want to represent women who are turning 50, who’ve had a hysterectomy or hit menopause.
“It’s about reminding people that the body is just the outer skin, and it’s what’s underneath – the soul, the heart, the brain that are important.
'My Breaking Bad dad's secret life as Britain's biggest dealer of crystal meth'
“The beauty industry is always saying, ‘oh you need to change this or that’. ‘You need to be smaller, or smoother, or have bigger hair.
“But this is just about selling things – not about a woman needing to change.
“From the moment you can talk, you’re told, ‘don’t do that, that’s not ladylike.’
“’Nobody likes a loud girl.’
'Bullied' girl, 12, who hanged herself 'felt overwhelmed with social media'
“’You’ll never get along unless you stay quiet.’
“And you get to my age and you realize that that is all rubbish.
“I turn 50 this year and I will not go quietly into the night and say, 'oh I'm an old lady now.'
"We just want him home", says Perthshire daughter of beheaded aid worker David Haines
“I want to push myself to see what I can do, and I want to help other women push their boundaries, wherever they are, to help them feel amazing.
“I want to be a cheerleader to other women so we can all feel great.”
Another important lesson Andrea has learned with age is how to handle anxiety and illness.
'Always smiling' Emotional tributes after Edinburgh Big Issue seller suddenly dies
Andrea said that although she still gets bouts of anxiety “on a monthly basis,” but she now has the tools to cope with it.
“I can get through two or three weeks without a rumble," she said.
“People think with mental health that if you speak out about it once, you find a magic pill and it goes.
“But that’s not how it works.
“The problem is that people improve and think, ‘oh I must be better now.’ They stop doing the things that made them better in the first place and they deteriorate again.
“And I do get poorly. I get a shingles-like virus, with blisters on my body and fibromyalgia.
“I just smash into the wall and I slide down. Mentally I go into a very dark place.
'Beaver' toddler with rare condition needs new cot after eating her wooden one
‘So I need to be careful now. Before I used to power through the warning signs until I crashed.
“Now, I know that stopping is not a sign of weakness.
“I know that I need to meditate at least four times a week.
“I need to exercise, my body clenches up with stress and nervous energy otherwise.
“I need to sleep.
“My life is so busy I live on snacks, but now I pack healthy snacks – berries and nuts – so that I’m not grazing on rubbish.
“I make nut bowls and try to eat food to support my health, that’s anti-inflammatory to reduce any flare-ups and to give me energy.
“You can forget that food is a fuel. We can be a bit like grumpy children around eating fruit but it’s so easy to stick a banana in your bag before leaving the house.
'Bowkini' set to be hottest swimwear trend this summer - and it has a big advantage
“People think that looking after yourself is self-indulgent or vain. But you only have one body and mind. You can’t replace it.
“People will often look after their cars but not themselves.
“It’s not selfish to look after yourself, to say ‘no’. To take 10 minutes to stop.”
Andrea is now helping the nation learn how to stop by sharing meditation - and organization - tips through a new 24/7 helpline on 0800 689 1914.
The helpline is a resource set up Hampton by Hilton to help the country’s holiday organisers after research revealed that nine in 10 Brits rely on just one individual to organise their travel – particularly for those events like family reunions and weddings which people feel obliged to attend.
As a self-confessed obli-cation organiser, Andrea agreed to support the campaign.
“I just can’t help myself when it comes to taking on the task of planning our family’s trips to weddings, birthdays, anniversaries – the list goes on.
“This helpline offers planners like me helpful advice and tips to make life easier and ensure everyone is happy.”
And because meditation has been key to Andrea’s wellness, she decided to share one of her own meditations on the helpline too.
'Getting cancer taught me so much in a short space of time... it was a blessing'
She said: “Anyone whose had a holiday with kids will know that the meditation will be useful – you can lock yourself in the bathroom, sit on the floor, and listen to the meditation.
“I meditate anyway, it's something I find very useful. Many people think that to meditate you need sage and ‘ommms’ and a special pillow but that's not true.
“I meditate on the train into London, or in the back of a cab. It's just about taking a moment to be still.
“So even if people dial in, take five minutes to stop and breathe that would be great.”
Andrea turns 50 in October and plans to celebrate with a party at home with her family, followed by a ‘fiftival’ festival-type celebration with her friends in the summer.
Laughing, she said that she may even listen in to her own helpline when organising the celebrations.
“We all have big birthdays within a few weeks,” she said. “My daughter turns 13, my son turns 18 and I turn 50.
“My daughter Amy is really excited about it. It’s her 13 birthday too and she asked if it can be like a prom. She said ‘can I dress-up?’
“So we’ll all get dressed up and I haven’t told the kids yet but I want a tribute band, something really fun like the Spice Girls.
“I spoke to a friend recently who made a list of 50 things to do before I’m 50.
“I’m lucky that I’ve done a lot of the bigger things – I’ve already jumped backwards out of a plane and I went back-packing in my 20s, but as my friend said they don’t have to be big things. It can be smaller things like making a date to see a friend you haven’t seen in ages.
“I don’t have much time left but I am going to write that list,” she said.
