Isaac Adams's mental health journey since leaving the Australian Defence Force has been slow, but eight years on he's at ease with his experiences and found a way to help other veterans cope after service.
The 32-year-old from Ipswich joined the army in 2008 at 18 years of age.
He served for five years as a UAV (Unmanned Aerial Vehicle) operator and in that time was deployed to Afghanistan.
He voluntarily discharged in 2013 but upon leaving struggled to process what he had been through and found it difficult to integrate back into civilian life.
He also found he was not alone.
"I found it very hard to just go outside some days. I really was quite depressed," Mr Adams said.
Mr Adams was seeing a psychologist and trying different mental health therapies, but said it was only when he started working with horses that he began to cope.
In 2016 he found horsemanship and it changed his life.
"Now … It's really nice to be able to go to university and have my life, and be free of all those sort of heavy feelings and sadness and anger that I used to carry around."
Links between horsemanship and psychology
Mr Adams was living in Sydney and searching for alternative mental health therapies when he saw a video of someone working with an ex-racehorse in a way he had never seen before.
He bought a horse that was destined for the knackery and was put in touch with trainer Scott Brodie, who taught him horsemanship.
Mr Brodie is the director of the Thoroughbred and Veteran Welfare Alliance, which runs the horsemanship program.
Where traditional "equine therapy" uses well-adjusted horses to help people, Mr Brodie's program uses traumatised thoroughbreds, so that the healing works both ways.
Both groups are taught to fight against anxiety and fear, and learn to trust and communicate with each other.
"It puts the onus back on you and it makes you realise how much [we] as humans we project when we communicate," Mr Adams said.
"I projected a lot of anger and a lot of dissatisfaction … when you're around a horse they are very, very receptive and they're very good at reading people.
"If you don't have that in check … and you don't have those insights about yourself, you'll have a very hard time working with them.
Mr Adams said as he dealt with his own feelings, the stronger his connection with the horses became.
"I found very strong links between horsemanship and psychology," he said.
"A lot of the work I was doing with my psychologist, there were direct parallels and so that really helped me to go from a theory to a practical sort of application."
Mr Adams said the parallels between the strict regimented lives of veterans and racehorses provide the perfect base for them to work and heal together.
"It's a systematic process … and the way that you work with a thoroughbred in getting them to step back from their hyper-vigilant, hyper-sensitive sort of way of going, is the same way you un-soldier, or undo some of the institutionalisation that's given to you when you're in the military.
"I'm of the belief through my own experiences and working with lots of other veterans that that key component needs to be a part of these programs."
Sharing knowledge and healing
Mr Adams is now using what he learnt about himself through horsemanship to help other veterans and children of those who serve.
He started his own Healing with Horsemanship program at Ipswich, west of Brisbane.
It is funded by the Ipswich RSL sub-branch and once a fortnight veterans and children of those who serve meet at the Pine Mountain Equestrian Centre to work with Mr Adams's horses.
Sarah Webb served in the Army from 2000 to 2012 and had deployments to Timor-Leste, Iraq and Afghanistan.
She said there was not enough support when she discharged and is still dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression.
"I hit rock bottom … I went down really fast," she said.
"I found the therapy, it helped a little bit … but I didn't find talking to these people that weren't in the military very helpful because they just didn't understand.
"I saw so much death and destruction, to this day I get triggered all the time."
Ms Webb has been to two of Mr Adams's horsemanship sessions and said she already felt a difference.
"When I finish the session I'm quite drained which I know that it's working because I've had to use my head quite a lot.
"There's just something with horses that just makes you really calm and makes you think about what you're giving off to the horse, and makes you think about how to have your emotions in check.
"It should be something that you can choose between, either going to talk to someone or doing the horse therapy."
Sixteen-year-old Alanah Wheeler's dad is in the army.
She said coming to the horsemanship sessions relieved some of her anxiety.
"When you're working with horses, you're just not thinking about anything else but trying to join up with that horse and communicate."
Plans to expand
The Healing with Horsemanship program at Ipswich is in its early days, but there are already plans to expand.
Mr Adams said he has had interest from NDIS, Queensland Police Service and the charity Legacy.
"Now being able to give that back to the community and share my learning experiences is really, really rewarding.
"I'm very grateful for that."
