Name: Megan McKenna.
Age: 24.
Appearance: Essex.
Who? She was in Towie.
I’m sorry but that doesn’t narrow it down. She used to shout a lot.
I’m sorry but that doesn’t narrow it down. She shouted so much that she was removed from the Celebrity Big Brother House in 2016, after an “epic rant” directed at actor John Partridge.
I’m sorry but – The one from MTV’s Love Island clone Ex on the Beach – who used to shout a lot.
Oh, right. The one who has beat Taylor Swift to the top of the iTunes charts with both of her new singles? The selfsame.
Why do we think that is then? Perhaps because she has essentially released two early Taylor Swift tracks, whereas Swift has released two tracks of the sort of narky fritzy electro normally favoured by reality popstars on the make?
Embarrassing for Taylor. Still slightly less embarrassing than Katy Perry rocking out on SNL.
Ouch. Why country music, though? Is Essex really the Tennessee of Britain? McKenna’s dirty secret is that she can really sing. Before she was picked up for Ex on the Beach, she was already trying to become a country star.
Until she discovered she had a hidden talent for onscreen meltdowns? Yup. But then ITVBe decided that it would take her to Nashville and shoot a three-part series, There’s Something About Megan, about her trying to make it in the country music biz.
Where she shouted a lot at various bemused country songwriters brought in to tame her? No.
I see. The singles that came out of that show were timed to drop just as it concluded last Tuesday.
What are these songs about? The most popular, High Heeled Shoes, is a about being a lady, neatly fusing the dolled-up world of Towie and the heartbreak of country with lines such as: “We line our eyes, to cry it off in a bathroom over a guy.” The other one is about having a bad but fond breakup and getting a bit teary. The other one is less good.
Does she have any other hidden talents? Maybe she owns a grill house in Woodford Green with a 3.9 Google Reviews rating? That would be that the MCK Grill: “Had an enjoyable evening, teething problems as it seemed understaffed, shame they have no dessert wine to finish off.”
Dessert wine is just grapes showing off, though, isn’t it. It’s pretty uncouth.
Do say: “Grab your stetson and head down to Eclipse in Brentwood.”
Don’t say: “She needs to get back to the shouting.”
