Well we already had this epic debate, as in how much do you tip your election strategist, the Goveys were like, nothing, Dave was like, did he not already add 12.5%, I’m like, but what if we need him for Europe? So Mummy thought something between a cruise ship butler & an eyebrow threader unless he ever did any lovely towel art or offer to clean the gutters, because that would obvs be going above & beyond – maybe £100 & a bottle of port? Then I remembered Mr Cobber’s chafing ointment & *shudders* nostril clippers & him going, get dressed in the dark again did you Sabrina & I thought £30 was actually super generous? With some of Nancy’s Dad You Rule cupcakes for Mr Messina, not cash, because of him being socialist & not hearting trickle-down?
So I call Mr Cobber, literally it’s like WTF, he has TOTES DISAPPEARED!?? Just his crocs in the shower & a bill on the mantelpiece with “nb no post-dated cheques” on it? Then I call Danny for help, but Shapps comes instead? I’m like, you know that hilair Bottom thing in Hamlet, it is like, did we imagine the whole thing, literally was Vince Cable even HERE? Dave’s like IKR, appaz I literally played tennis with Cleggsy? I’m like OMG did I wear M&S in actual public, he’s like, non-swank, I literally ate a NANDO’s, I’m like, excuse me, CORNWALL? He’s like, turban, hot dog, FOOTBALL, I’m like, Miriam, Leeds, Grey Coat, ASOS, he’s like, soz babes, from now on wear anything you like, I’m like, yay, actually I thought THIS for the palace? Dave’s like, er. I’m like, I know it is *quite* the statement piece, he’s like what is the statement, I’m like, basically it’s like, I no longer give a shit, he’s like, totally :)))
So God the queen, as in awk, much? I was like, does she always make those spluttering noises? Like when you said about Govey’s job? Dave’s like, oh that is just her signature purring, when she is super emosh, did you see when I said Whittingdale she had tears in her eyes? I’m like, & when you mentioned Boris she was literally shaking, this must be a dream come true for her #bless #aww #victory:))))
