If I’m going out with friends, it takes me about five minutes to get ready: I just shove on whatever I’ve got to hand and head out the door. But I have more of a routine when preparing for a gig. I usually have one song that I listen to backstage on each tour, to get me in the mood. Last time it was Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap. Now, whenever I hear it, my heart starts racing as if I’m about to go on stage. That always happens – a song I once loved becomes associated with panic.
On stage, I need clothes I can lunge about in – I always wear jeans, T-shirt and trainers, so I can bounce around a bit. When I started doing TV, people asked me to wear a suit but it didn’t seem right. I do have two suits from the tailor Thom Sweeney, which are sweet, but when I wear a suit I just feel I hover somewhere between estate agent and boy band member.
I wear makeup when I do telly, but not on stage. I just have a shower, dry my hair, maybe put a bit of wax in it. I have got quite big pointy teeth and a lazy eye, so I think you just have to crack on, really, there’s not much you can do. Photos are the worst thing – one of my eyes is always fascinated with my nose. I’ve always said, if eyes are the window to the soul, my soul is fucked.
My advice for those who don’t feel confident when going on a night out is to have a drink – getting a little bit drunk helps you talk to people. If you’re not a looker, don’t go to a nightclub, go somewhere you can talk, where words can be your friends.
• Russell Howard’s Stand Up Central continues on Wednesdays at 10pm on Comedy Central.
