There are some stories that appear to have occurred only for the gratification of tabloid readers and the parallel delight of headline writers.
Such is a tale reported in Saturday’s newspapers. At face value, it was a simple, if sad, matter: a woman who worked at London Zoo was found guilty by Westminster magistrates of assaulting another of the zoo’s female staff by hitting her with a wine glass.
Both women were said to have been romantically involved with a man who was also a zookeeper.
By linking the trio to their specific zoo duties transformed the story into manna from heaven, and not just for the tabloids, because the woman convicted of assault looked after meerkats, her victim minded monkeys and the man was in charge of the llama enclosure.
The Sun’s main newsprint pun was superb, “Menagerie a trois” with a strapline saying “Love rivals scrap at zoo party in clash over llama lothario”. Online, however, it preferred Llama drama ding dong: meerkat and ape experts ‘in zoo love triangle clash’.
And the Times, yes the Times, aped (geddit) its red-top sister by running a similar headline on page 6: Ménagerie à trois ends in party catfight. Note that, unlike the Sun, it included the French accents.
And, would you believe it, the original reporting of the same story by Mail Online, on 4 September, also used the “menagerie a trois” line. A trio of “a trois” headlines!
I didn’t spot that when I first praised the Sun and the Times for theirs, noting only that the second major report by Mail Online was headlined London Zoo meerkat handler glassed her monkey expert love rival colleague in the face in a row over her hunky llama keeper. So apologies to the Mail punster for the oversight.
The Daily Star thought the story deserved pride of place on its front page and also used the “Llama drama ding-dong” line. Its inside headline was “Zoo lovers in katfight”.
The Daily Express was straightish: Zoo girls go wild in vicious love feud over romeo llama keeper while the Daily Mirror was positively pedestrian, Former zoo worker guilty of glassing lover’s ex-girlfriend. (I cannot imagine the Mirror or my era missing the opportunity for a pun).
Even the Daily Telegraph, which led page 5 with the story, couldn’t resist a pun, The meerkat keeper, her love rival and a brawl over monkey business at the zoo. Monkey business, eh?
And, yes, the Guardian website found room for the story too, London zoo monkey-keeper and meerkat-keeper ‘fought over llama-keeper’. Not in the “ménagerie à trois” class, I’m afraid.
