Name: @SouthernRailUK.
Age: Joined July 2010.
Appearance: A green logo, a picture of the London Eye with the sun glinting through it, and a blue tick.
What is it, an advert? It’s the Twitter account of Southern Rail, AKA Eddie.
Eddie? Who is Eddie? He is, or was temporarily, the voice of the account, who introduced himself by tweeting: “Hi, Eddie here! Here on Work Experience and ready to answer your questions! [smiley face].”
When did this happen? On Tuesday, at 2.39pm.
How old is Eddie? He is 15.
Is this normal, using an unpaid teen as your social media interface? No, this is a new thing.
Things must be going well, then. It’s like putting your junior players on at half time because you are winning 9-0. Yeah, things aren’t quite like that at Southern.
Are they not? The rail firm has been under fire for more than a year over constant delays, cancelled trains and industrial disputes. It is running a reduced service because of action by drivers from the Aslef union.
Imagine putting a kid in the firing line like that. I dread to think what questions the account’s 162k followers bombarded him with. Among the first was: “Would you rather fight 1 horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?”
That is tricky. Another person asked: “What’s the air velocity of a swallow?”
Oh, my. The answer to that won’t be on the amended timetable. Eddie Googled it. “Hi, for an unladen swallow, it is 50-65mph,” he replied, instantly spawning hashtags such as #askEddie.
So, wait, people were nice to him? Overwhelmingly, across nearly 700 replies. Eddie gave as good as he got, was unfailingly polite and even answered the occasional question about trains.
Hire Eddie! During his stint he was offered other placements, but promised to return the next day.
How uncomplicatedly heartwarming. What’s in it for the embattled Southern Rail? Let’s put it this way: nobody was talking about calls for operator Govia Thameslink to be stripped of the franchise yesterday. Eddie was the story.
So it’s all a cynical ploy? #AskEddie.
Do say: “100 duck-sized horses. A horse-sized duck would be pretty scary! You? ^Eddie”.
Don’t say: “Due to a fault on a train between East Croydon and Horsham, all lines are blocked.”
