My name is Mitchell Brain, aged 61. I am a long term sufferer of depression. I want to share my experience so that readers may have a better understanding of the "black dog".
Have you been to the Grand Canyon? Have you tried to describe it to someone? It can't be done. What about the old conundrum - how do you describe the colour yellow to a blind person? It can't be done. In the first instance, the Grand Canyon is an experience, not a sight. You can't fully describe the experience. As for the description of the colour yellow, it can't be done because there is nothing to compare it to. Depression fits both these cases. Depression is an experience that can't be compared to any normal experience.
As a depression sufferer I'm certain that it's the fear of the unknown that is one of the biggest obstacles to more effective support, from friends and colleagues. It was for me in my pre-depression days. Note, I am no expert and I only present the opinion of one person, however, no one can challenge the truth of what I've experienced.
Depression is an experience that can't be compared to any normal experience
Depression is classified as a mood disorder. The low mood is constant and uncontrollable. I remember when my brother and nephew came to visit me in hospital. I told them that "these people aren't mad, they're sad".
In one word, depression is "insidious".
In the beginning, as a teacher, I was nearing the end of the Christmas vacation when I began waking at 2am, fully aware, nothing on my mind but unable to go back to sleep for several hours. Then in the first week of school I found myself bursting into tears whilst driving to work. My doctor diagnosed depression and prescribed antidepressants. Did you know that they take a few weeks to work? I didn't. Now there's a challenge, to cope on your own wishing the meds would kick in. For the next few years I coped physically reasonably well (you never know what's around the corner - the physical challenges were still in the future) but mentally there were many challenges. I felt resentful to be in my situation, I had a shorter fuse, I had very low motivation. I don't know how but I performed fairly normally in my teaching role.
IN THE NEWS:
- Herald journalists nominated for Walkley Award
- Huge sand deposit identified in Newcastle harbour suitable for Stockton beach
- Kathleen Folbigg's plea for review of inquiry that reinforced her guilt moved to Criminal Court of Appeal
- It's official: Carl Robinson jets out of Newcastle to A-League rival
Then at the beginning of 2013 I had what I call a breakdown and booked myself into a private psychiatric hospital. Now here comes a cruncher! I have debated about writing this but I feel to be honest to the reader I must explain why I admitted myself. From a previous experience I knew I was heading towards a very deep depression along with its associated thoughts of suicide. There, I've said it. But after what I've been through, I'm over it. I can say what I like - and will do, especially if I think it might break down some barriers. In my experience "suicidal ideation" is "only" a symptom of deep depression, in the same way that a runny nose is a symptom of a cold. (I emphasise, again, that this is not necessarily the view of every sufferer).
Whilst on long service leave I spent at least 10 weeks in bed - and I mean, in bed. I could only get up for dinner (I had lost my appetite). I was very morose. So how did I cope? Of all the professionals I had seen up till then only one really helped. The two simple statements made to me by a very experienced hospital nurse were: "You will get over this" and "Remember how long it took you to get here". These have become my mantras. "You will get over this" for me translated into "that's one less day I have to spend in bed". "Remember how long it took you to get here" became "Well, it's going to be a lot of days in bed".
A person with depression:
- is not intellectually disabled, they are intellectually impaired.
- needs friends and work colleagues to support them. (Consider: Two work colleagues are absent for three months. One undergoing cancer treatment, the other depression treatment. Upon their return, which one are you comfortably inclined to walk up to and give a welcome hug? Well, I can tell you both would love that hug. Both need that hug).
- can be self centred - not selfish - but they are only thinking about getting better, for everyone's sake.
- can have low motivation, which can be seen as anything from lazy through to stubborn, but isn't.
Depression is real. No one would intentionally put themselves through it.
Dedicated to Penny.
- Lifeline 13 11 14
- beyondblue 1300 22 4636
