I am recovering from a suicide attempt. My partner has been a great support, but I am worried about intimacy and our sex life. I am scared that he thinks I am still too ill, or that he has “desexualised” me since seeing me in hospital and is treating me in a nurturing way, not romantically. He struggles to know how to act around me. How do we get back to a functioning sex life and sense of normality?
Your partner is displaying natural concern and a desire to protect you. Allow him to be caring and try to show gratitude. A full return to seeing each other as romantic partners will take time. It is common for a person who experiences near-loss of a partner to withdraw psychologically a little, to protect himself against the pain of a possible future loss. It would be wise to fully disclose the feelings and rationale that led you to your attempt. You have your own healing journey ahead, so try not to expect too much too soon – of either of you. His perception of your recovery is important.
Until he is convinced you are healed, stable and receiving the help you need, your partner will continue to walk on eggshells around you, and sex will be the last thing on his mind.
• In the UK, Samaritans can be contacted in the UK and Ireland on 116 123. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. In the US, the suicide prevention lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
• If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms
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