It’s fair to say that the news of Michael Gove throwing his hat into the ring of the Tory leadership contest sent shockwaves through the Westminster establishment.
Just hours later, his former partner in crime, Boris Johnson, announced his departure from the contest.
News of Gove’s “et-tu Brute?” moment has surprised many people, but none more so than teachers who have been left staring at computer screens and carefully hidden mobile phones in horror.
Few education secretaries united the profession as Gove did, leaving a legacy of distrust and anger in many corners.
So what does Gove’s time as education secretary tell us about what his plans could be if he gets behind the door at No 10?
Untrained doctors for the NHS
Gove celebrated his decision to end the madness of needing to be qualified as a teacher as a prerequisite for educating children in academies and free schools, saying it led to “brilliant people coming into schools up and down the country”.
Building on this success, Gove could end the nationwide shortage of highly trained surgeons by allowing generally excellent people to come and have a go at heart surgery. Your mate Dave may not be a trained physician, but with a degree from Oxford and a can-do attitude what does that matter?
Cabinet ministers must be able to recite a poem by heart
Gove celebrated the traditional English canon back in 2012 when he overhauled the English curriculum in primary schools. He focused on traditional virtues and wanted every child who left school to be able to recite a poem by heart.
Recognising this as a great method of separating the wheat from the chaff, could Gove use it to select his cabinet?
What better way to choose a health secretary than their ability to conjure up Chaucer without the aid of a smartphone? What chancellor could really hope to do the job without a sonnet or two on the tip of their tongue?
I’m told that if you’re very quiet while strolling through the corridors of power you can hear aspiring young Tory MPs breathlessly practising their Milton, just in case they get the opportunity to join the big leagues.
A King James Bible in every bookcase
Gove’s plan to send a bible to every school in the country was a jewel in his already very bejewelled crown.
But why stop at schools? There are homes where the bright light of our saviour Gov... I mean Jesus, isn’t available morning, noon and night.
There could be a copy coming to a doorstep near you soon. Keep your eyes peeled for the new foreword: it argues that Jesus asking “And who is my neighbour?” hints at growing belief that politicians have failed to control mass migration from as early as 23AD.
Jobseekers to attend mandatory Latin classes
A global economy demands a workforce willing and able to re-skill for new demands at a moment’s notice. It also means you’re more likely to sign on at least once in your life.
So just as Gove suggested more state school pupils should learn Latin and Greek, there must be no better way to spend your time on the dole than learning your Nero from your Vespian.
Critics will inevitably ask if this will help people find a job. Tories will say that for many “alea iacta est” (the die has already been cast).
Police free schools
No, not more bobbies on the beat. Not even a promise to lobby for a relaunch of the 80s comedy series. Think free schools, but for police stations.
Modern crime-fighting is filled with such rampant inefficiencies, and the public’s demand that criminals are apprehended seems unlikely to subside soon. So the only realistic option is allowing individuals and companies to compete for the right to police the streets in an area.
All economic statistics to be ‘above average’
Let no man say Gove is a politician without ambition for his country.
When Gove declared that he wanted all schools in the UK to be above average, he spoke with energy and grit.
Of course, “experts” quickly declared “that’s not how averages work”. But last week’s referendum finally consigned experts to the dustbins of history, so now we can unleash Britain’s great potential to defy mathematics.
Not only might the numbers of columnists in charge of serious things rise well above the average for our European neighbours, but so might unemployment and inflation. Perhaps the only thing below average now is our tolerance and respect for others.
God save our Gove.
