Can I open the door to contributions for weird behaviour at the theatre? And can they beat mine: an encounter with a disturbingly angry couple who took offence to a standing ovation because it blocked their view?
On Wednesday night I was in the dress circle of the Apollo theatre in London's West End, enjoying – finally – Jerusalem, Jez Butterworth's critically acclaimed play that began life last year at the Royal Court and may well clean up at Sunday's Olivier awards.
The critics are right. It's an amazing play with a stunning central performance by Mark Rylance. The whole audience seemed to enjoy it (including – and this is apropos of nothing – former defence secretary Tom King, who was in the row in front). I particularly enjoyed it, so I stood up at the end and clapped. Something often referred to as a standing ovation.
A man and woman next to me also stood up, and at once provoked the blind, spitting fury of a well-dressed couple behind them who had remained seated. "How dare you stand up and ruin my appreciation?" said the well-dressed man. "Eh? How often do you go to the theatre?" replied the bemused man next to me. "I go to the theatre a lot, you maggot scumbag! You pisshead!"
(I'm pretty sure he wasn't the latter, by the way; I was the one with red wine in my plastic cup. He smelt slightly of Vicks VapoRub and, at one point during the play, appeared to be attempting a yoga position with his arms; but he seemed nice enough.)
So, are we to glean from this that audiences should not stand up because it blocks the view of the curtain call? The couple's reaction was very peculiar, and most people just laughed as they filed out.
It could, of course, be that they were just angry and uncomfortable in the doll's house seats that so many West End theatres refuse to replace. But the total absence of legroom in London venues is probably for another blog.
