In his essay Hosts and Guests, Max Beerbohm humorously differentiates between the two categories and concludes that humans can generally be divided into two classes: hosts and guests. The difference, he says, between the two is not only circumstantial but also temperamental and general. In our society, however, such a distinction between a host and a guest is not drawn as the same person plays both the roles on different occasions without much temperamental change. Yet, we have to concede that hosts and guests face different types of challenges.
In keeping with our time-honoured tradition, welcoming guests at our home is regarded as one of the inevitable duties of a family. In this process, the host is enjoined to observe certain unwritten rules. Deepavali numbers of Tamil magazines, for instance, are replete with jokes and cartoons about the father-in-law receiving his son-in-law, observing the punctilio and heaving a sigh of relief when he takes leave after having been treated to sumptuous feasts and honoured with costly presents.
In weddings of early days, the bride’s parents were on trial as it were. The bridegroom’s party apart, they had to satisfy other relatives as well. They were deemed to have successfully conducted the marriage, if an aged aunt did not remark in a querulous tone that she was stranded in the railway station or a distant cousin was not seen pouting his lips mumbling that the quality of food served was not up to the mark. In modern times, such happenings are rare, though the bride groom’s side is still considered one up on the bride’s party.
Online solutions
The occasions when a person becomes vexatious are when he or she has to host too many guests at the same time. Come a long weekend or a summer vacation, guests start arriving at our homes. Nowadays, when we have solutions online to any problem, many tips are available in Google on clever methods to cope with such guests.
By present practice, a host expects prior notice from a prospective guest and hopes to extend his hospitality only for a day or two. The position was different in the past. Then our forefathers were mostly confined to villages. Their guests felt quite at home in the spacious village houses. Guests used to come unannounced at any time of the day or night in our ancestral house. I remember some of them were known for their gluttonous propensities. Nevertheless, they would be received with gusto by my grandparents. For, one did not have to run to the market when the granary was filled with rice and the backyard abounded with vegetables. Hosts did not feel miserable even if guests stayed for an indefinite period.
Though we are familiar with the embarrassments of the host, the guest’s predicament is not so well known. It is important for the guest to arrive on time to keep the family he visits in good humour. The guest should also ensure that the host is given a suitable gift. For, as Robert Lynd puts it humorously on Christmas gifts, “the heart always sinks on being given the wrong gift”.
Take, for instance, the guest who is served a not-so-palatable dish at his friend’s home. There can be no worse punishment on earth than to eat such food and to keep on saying that the items are excellent. He must thank God if the elated host does not force a second helping on him. A guest should also be careful while appreciating the host’s hospitality.
If the house has a pet dog, the guest has to acknowledge his existence as he or she would a child, lest the host is disappointed.
It may be apparent from these random reflections that one has to play a delicate role as a host or as a guest. However, it will be far from fair to generalise the behaviour of a person. By following the respective etiquette and manners, one could be a good guest or a great host.
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