Financial expert Dave Ramsey didn't mince words when advising a caller who said his family budget was being torpedoed by his wife's compulsive shopping.
Bob, 72, who called in to The Ramsey Show for guidance, admitted that despite a combined income of more than $7,000 per month, he and his 78-year-old wife are bogged down with $40,000 in non-mortgage debt, including a hefty car loan and credit card balances.
The culprit, according to Bob? His wife's irresistible urge to spend.
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"She has this habit of when she walks in the store, she's gotta buy," Bob said, noting that his wife's spending devours their entire paycheck. While she acknowledges the problem and feels remorse, he said, the compulsion is an addiction that she hasn't sought help for.
Ramsey told Bob he needs to have a direct, non-negotiable conversation, starting by saying, "Hon, I think we have a problem and it's you. You're out of control, and you can't seem to control it."
Ramsey instructed Bob to issue an ultimatum: For the next 30 days, the couple should use a budgeting app to create a strict plan for one month, giving the wife one last chance to prove she can live within their means.
If she can't, Ramsey told Bob he must shut down her access to their accounts, telling her, "Next month you will have zero access to the money. I will shut everything down and put it in my name to protect me and my family from you."
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The harsh action would mean no more access to the checking account or credit cards. Any future spending money for Bob's wife, such as for groceries, would be cash only.
Ramsey and his co-host and daughter, Rachel Cruze, noted that the strict measures are needed to determine whether Bob's wife's behavior is immaturity or a deeper psychological issue. Whether it's an addiction or just a lack of self-control, however, they said the financial chaos must end.
YouTube comments on Bob's situation ranged from sympathetic to critical.
"It's a shame she doesn't understand how much money 7K is a month," @shrinkingviolet3 wrote. "So many don't have near that amount of income, yet are doing okay."
A post from @ChillinWithTJ blasted Bob for not dealing with his wife's behavior years ago. "Having this fight in your 70s is crazy. Should have put a stop to the ages ago. First step was obviously cutting off access to the money."
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Other commenters said they'd experienced a similar situation.
"I'm 58 and have no debt other than my house, which will be paid off in four years," @chrismathis4162 wrote. "My wife used to spend like crazy, and I knew it wasn't sustainable. Finally, about 20 years ago, I told her the marriage was over unless she could stay within our budget. She listened, thank goodness, and we've been happily married ever since."
Compulsive buying, or oniomania, is a behavioral addiction characterized by an overwhelming urge to shop despite negative consequences like financial strain and relationship damage. About 5.8% of the U.S. population suffers from a shopping addiction, according to AddictionHelp.com.
Cruze told Bob that his wife's overspending isn't her only problem, and that she needs professional help for the chaos that is "eroding her quality of life."
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