Best kept behind bars ... George Clooney, Elliott Gould and Brad Pitt sweat it out in Ocean's Twelve
In the first week of 2007, after the festive hullabaloo has subsided and all that remains in the children's selection boxes are molar-destroying Curly-Wurlies, there will still be one remaining occasion to celebrate. You couldn't argue that it's religious, though it is often greeted with cries of "Jesus, what next?" But if you keep your eyes peeled, you should just be able to spot the first sequel of the New Year.
In 2007, the honour will go to White Noise 2, released on January 5. Look at it, peeping out in that cheeky way, trying to convince you that you've got nothing better to do than hand over that £10 given to you at Christmas by an auntie you could have sworn was dead.
However fervently you might be anticipating White Noise 2, I must urge caution. This film represents only the beginning of an avalanche of sequels, and it wouldn't do to deplete those reserves of excitement that you'll need for, say, Goal 2 - Live The Dream.
The cynicism about cinematic follow-ups that existed in the 1980s - around the time when one in every four films released was a Jaws sequel - has gradually dissolved into weariness. When you hear that Rocky Balboa (aka Rocky 6) is on its way, you simply roll your eyes, knowing that the Italian Stallion should have been boiled down to make glue decades ago. Hollywood's sequel machine has lowered our expectations to the point where the sound of the barrel being scraped becomes almost soothing, like a lullaby.
Even by these standards, however, 2007 is shaping up to be the most sequel-heavy year since 2003, when the multiplexes were positively clogged with number twos.
First there are the blockbusters, those juggernauts that no amount of critical mauling will impede. Into this category fall Spiderman 3, Shrek The Third, Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix, Mr Bean's Holiday, Live Free Or Die Hard (aka Die Hard 4) and Ocean's Thirteen (aka Steven Soderbergh Sells Out, Again).
The über-sequel will, naturally, be Pirates Of The Caribbean 3, which is guaranteed to be the Number 1 Movie Since Time Began even if the producers plaster the posters with warnings of its awfulness (and, given the contempt for the audience displayed by Part 2, they may as well).
Then there is the second tier, which has a more pungent stench to it: Evan Almighty, National Treasure 2, Fantastic Four 2, The Hills Have Eyes 2 (a sequel to a remake) and the oh-so-aptly named Are We Done Yet? Finally, there are those that we can dare to hope might have a germ of intelligence about them. This year, that's restricted to The Bourne Ultimatum.
But which films really merit second, third or fourth instalments? There must be some out there: characters about whom we still daydream, imagining how their lives continued, or scenarios that beg to be explored further. This tradition is what I like to refer to as not-for-profit sequels.
Think of Francois Truffaut's five films charting the life of his alter-ego Antoine Doinel, beginning with The 400 Blows. Or Lindsay Anderson's Mick Travis trilogy (If..., O Lucky Man!, Britannia Hospital). Peter Bogdanovich revisited the characters of The Last Picture Show two decades later in Texasville, while Richard Linklater made the film of his career when he dropped in on the freewheeling lovers of Before Sunrise in Before Sunset. All these sequels seem motivated by a genuine desire to find out what happened next.
What is the sequel now that is crying out to be made, the story that shouldn't have ended? Anyone for Two Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest: Ratched's Revenge?
