"Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss....." Stop right there. Remember, children, we've tweaked this scene a bit - Marlowe can be a little inappropriate! - and it now reads "make me immortal with a friendly hug". Careful, not too close now, Helen and Faustus.......
Drama teachers can't decide whether stern guidance from the Welsh Assembly on how they should avoid possible child abuse by substituting stage directions for a kiss with a "peck on the cheek or an embrace" should be treated as tragic or comic.
The guidance states: "Drama treachers must cut or adapt plays if they have to in order to protect children and young people.
"Drama teachers should be able to provide a proper justification for what they do, based on the best interests of the learner and not rely on arguments about the artistic integrity of the text."
In England the Department for Education and Shakespeare (DfES) is taking a more relaxed attitude and - this is a first - saying it will trust the judgment of teachers. "There is no way that kissing scenes from plays like Romeo and Juliet will be banned in schools.
"Shakespeare is a vital part of our literacy heritage and always will be. It's vital that pupils learn the great classics and that will not change. Other questions on this are a matter for the Welsh Assembly," declaimed a spokesperson centre stage.
Despite the catcalls, the Welsh Assembly is sticking to its guns and insisting the guidance takes safeguarding children as its starting point - "as it should".
The new rules follow an inquiry into child abuse at Rhydfelen secondary school in south Wales where a drama teacher John Owen was accused of using his subject as a "vehicle for improper activity with children". He committed suicide the day before he was due to appear in court.
An Assembly spokesman added: " Selection of appropriate texts for drama is clearly important. But the draft guidance is quite clear - we have no plans to establish a prescribed list of drama texts for use in schools and colleges. It encourages teachers
to adopt a common sense approach, to be sensitive to learners' concerns about issues such as kissing and never to insist that any child or young person should kiss another.
" The draft guidance does not ban kissing, but it does stress that the
safety of children and young people must always take priority over the
integrity of artistic work and that there should always be a clear rationale
for the use of an explicit gesture or action, such as a kiss," he said.
And as for Marlowe, don't even think of doing Edward II.
