On 15 April 1990, Jill Bialosky’s youngest sister, Kim, killed herself aged 21. More than two decades later, Bialosky attempts to understand Kim’s final act and the state of her mind in the hours, weeks and years leading to it. In what is equally an exploration of suicide and a personal account of grief, Bialosky draws on poetry, fiction and psychological texts, Kim’s journal entries and childhood poems, and the things she left behind (her suicide note, the contents of her wallet, and of her wardrobe), as though gathering evidence to decide whether, if anything had been different, Kim could have been saved. While her death is both the seed and focus of this book, Bialosky’s search for clues provides an intimate and detailed portrait of Kim’s life – her deeply caring nature, her relationship with her sisters, her hopes, beliefs and anxieties. Ultimately, memories of Kim – as a young child in a snowsuit; “dancing on her tiptoes with excitement” at Christmas; as an awkward adolescent; smiling, laughing, falling in love – override and triumph over the memory of her death.
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