A man who thought he found “the one” is now facing a harsh reality about his girlfriend's debt, her lack of financial awareness and her parents’ disturbing behavior.
In a recent post on the r/DaveRamsey subreddit, the 39-year-old boyfriend explained he's been dating a 33-year-old woman for eight months, and while they're aligned on marriage, religion, kids and values, her money situation has raised a giant red flag.
She Owes $190K, But Her Dad Still Takes Her Money
The girlfriend has roughly $190,000 in student loans from an academic path filled with stops and starts. She finished a bachelor's degree, dropped out of med school, spent two years in pharmacy school, then left again before finishing a master's. Despite a stable job at a nonprofit earning $97,000 a year, she has made only minimum payments on her loans and didn't understand her loan terms until her boyfriend looked into them.
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"She also didn't realize that about 98% of her payments are going to interest, meaning the principal is barely decreasing, and the debt is actually growing," he wrote.
Financial confusion isn't the only issue. According to the boyfriend, her parents have made the situation worse. Early in the relationship, she revealed a plan to invest her $60,000 savings and take out a $200,000 loan to buy a lot with her father, who would build and flip a house to pay off her debt. The boyfriend said the idea seemed reckless, especially since he was considering marriage and didn’t want her taking on more risk.
Things turned uglier when he suggested her father sell one of his rental properties instead to help with the loans. The parents responded by yelling at the girlfriend, calling him a “robber,” and encouraging her to break up with him.
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In later updates, the boyfriend added more alarming details about her home life. "Her parents are 100% hardcore narcissists," he said. "She told me her dad occasionally transfers $500 or so from her account to his own account when his balance goes negative."
He continued, "He's out there golfing with his friends who are millionaires pretending to be like them. Her mom yells the worst and most effed up abuses at her, forced her siblings to not talk to her unless she breaks up with me. Straight up mental torture."
Red Flags And A Widening Divide
While his girlfriend claims the debt is hers alone, legally speaking, he knows that in practice, marriage would result in him helping pay it off one way or another.
"She often accuses me of caring too much about money and tells me I should prioritize love over loans," he said.
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Although some Reddit users offered advice on staying together and building a plan, most said the family dynamics were a dealbreaker.
One person wrote, "You’re her and her family's golden ticket. Don't walk. RUN."
Another said, "If she avoids money talk, for me it would be a red flag. No ‘love' gonna ignore $200k debt and her avoidance around it."
The boyfriend hasn’t made a final decision, but his post reflects a deep conflict between emotional connection and financial self-preservation. “I genuinely think her dad keeps her financially crippled so they can control her and keep her unmarried so she can help them at home,” he wrote.
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