Nov. 30--Nearly one year after Sam Sommer died at age 8 of leukemia, his parents -- both rabbis -- view their every step forward through the lens of last year's painful events.
Since Sam's death, Phyllis and Michael Sommer have raised nearly $700,000 for pediatric cancer and heralded the opening of a new synagogue called Har-Shalom in Highland Park.
The Sommers remain candid and open about their grief, their daily struggles and their need to persevere and seek routines with their three other children at their Highwood home.
During the recent bar mitzvah for their son David, emotions ran high, but it still "was less bitter and more sweet," said Phyllis Sommer, associate rabbi at Am Shalom in Glencoe, where the event took place.
"Sammy had 17 months of making it look easy, and then one bad month," said Michael Sommer. "Up until a year ago, he always made it look like he was going to make it."
Michael Sommer had been working at B'nai Torah synagogue in Highland Park when their son was diagnosed in 2012. After a brief remission and a bone marrow transplant, Sam died Dec. 14, drawing 1,000 people to his funeral and leaving a legacy through his parents' bittersweet personal blog, Superman Sam.
When B'nai Torah, a nearly 60-year-old synagogue, closed its doors in June, it created a different kind of loss -- and an opportunity. Members of the congregation, while dwindling in numbers, wanted to remain together as a community. They looked to Michael Sommer for help.
In July, Sommer and Cantor Heather Aranyi teamed up to establish a new spiritual community in an existing synagogue, Lakeside Congregation for Reform Judaism. They called the fledgling congregation Har-Shalom.
"It's terrific," said Rabbi Evan Moffic, who leads another reform temple, Congregation Solel, in Highland Park. "We still have a lot of unaffiliated Jews on the North Shore. ... Having a place where people can connect is good."
The Har-Shalom leaders didn't know what kind of attendance to expect. B'nai Torah's congregation had declined to fewer than 60 families, down from 800 to 900 during better days.
But during the first service, 180 people showed up, Sommer said. Within five months, 104 families had registered as members.
"We didn't know if it would last past High Holidays," Aranyi said. "We wanted to give people a home. We ended up selling out High Holidays and needed a bigger room. We have almost doubled our number of families since that time."
Sommer said that he hopes to see Har-Shalom grow to a manageable 200 members, but in the meantime, the small numbers have allowed for an intimate, family-type setting. He and Aranyi enjoy working directly with children on religious education -- preferable, he said, to herding "30 to 40 kids into a classroom."
"There's no reason for us to exist except that the community wanted us to exist," he said.
Since July, he's been asked to officiate at 18 funerals -- about three times the number he would typically see at his former jobs, he said. Many followed his family's journey and were among those who offered support after Sam died.
"There's a level of credibility they give us that is astounding," Sommer said, regarding people who suffered loss. "They know we get it."
As rabbis for two different congregations, Michael and Phyllis Sommer rarely attend the same services. But they enjoyed uniting family and friends of all backgrounds at David's bar mitzvah at Am Shalom in early November.
"It was incredibly emotional," Phyllis Sommer said. "It was really hard to know that Sammy wasn't there with us. He was there with us in spirit. But it was as much as we could make it about David, and who he is and all that he does."
Besides David, 13, the couple has a daughter, Yael, 7, and son Solomon, who turns 4 Dec. 7.
November had always been a month to celebrate birthdays, as Michael, David and Sam turned a year older, Michael Sommer wrote in the Superman Sam blog Oct. 31.
"There is a gap that shouldn't be there," he wrote. "There is a birthday missing. Sam is missing. I feel the loss of all that could have been. I am missing all the possible futures that ended when Sam died. I feel the gap in the birthdays that will always be there as November 8th comes and goes without our growing boy there to open presents, blow out the candles ... and laugh his joyous laugh.
"I don't hate birthdays now," Michael wrote. "I just hate that I can't celebrate Sammy's birthday with him here."
The Sommers are working toward raising $1 million by year's end to donate to the St. Baldrick's Foundation for pediatric cancer research. Since April, about 70 rabbis have shaved their heads in memory of Sam and raised the bulk of funds toward the cause, according to the foundation.
"You never get over a loss like that, but they have really rallied and been role models for how to deal with tragedy," Moffic said.
"How important they are to our community, and the gifts of love and skill and resilience that they bring, is really appreciated and celebrated by everyone."
lblack@tribpub.com
Twitter @LisaBChiTrib
