SEEING THE FUTURE WITH PERFECT 2021 VISION
If the tumultuous events of 2020 have taught us anything, it’s that the tumultuous events of 2020 have taught us nothing. And so, as coronavirus gathers momentum around the planet for a second time, here we are getting all excited by the publication of the 2020-21 Premier League fixture list. Like the calendar has been any sort of reliable planning tool since lockdown was imposed on 23 March. Or was it Apruary 37? Dunno. We’ll double check with the government, they won’t be pulling things out of the back of their trousers like the feckless old Fiver.
The marquee match of the opening weekend is unquestionably Liverpool versus The Team Formerly Known as Nasty Leeds. The last time Liverpool were champions was 1990, the same year Leeds last won promotion to the top flight as champs of tier two. If this not-particularly-eerie coincidence takes us any further, Liverpool will win this fixture 3-0, as they did when Leeds returned to Anfield after a long hiatus in, er, January 1991, before spiralling off into mediocrity for another three decades. Leeds meanwhile will win the title in 2022. Hey, under Marcelo Bielsa, anything’s possible, though if it happens we first and foremost advise all supporters to enjoy the good times while you can. It’s later than you think.
Other stand-out fixtures in the opening round include Tottenham versus Everton, a match which ended 10-4 in 1958, Burnley versus Manchester United, who memorably indulged in a spot of roughhouse the same year, and we must really get around to updating our references at some point. This first tranche of games will be played on 12 September, probably, except the ones involving Chelsea and Wolves, who will most likely play two days later, maybe, on account of their late European appointments, and the matches involving both Manchester clubs, who dragged their Euro campaigns out as long as they could and will get the first week off as a special treat. Rescheduled dates for those to be confirmed, at some point, fingers crossed.
The first showdown between last season’s first versus second comes on 7 November, in an ideal world, as the champions travel to City. Manchester United welcome both City and Leeds to Old Trafford in December for some festive cheer, roughly the same time Arsenal travel to Spurs to touch elbows with their old buddies. Goodison stages the first big derby brouhaha of the season in mid-October, Wolves and West Brom enjoy their first tear-up in mid-January, and Manchester United host Liverpool in May, five matches from the end, a potential earth-juddering title decider or thundering non-event. It could be an actual non-event should The Man fail to get this here pandemic under a semblance of control, but hopefully fate will head it off at the pass, so let’s stay positive for now. Yay, confirmed dates!
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I can tell you about Koeman from my personal experience. He provided me absolutely nothing” – another happy customer from Big Ron’s time at Everton, in the form of Gerard Deulofeu.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Football Weekly Extra is right here.
FIVER LETTERS
“The Fiver and its decidedly underwhelmed readers are all too familiar with what can fairly be considered ‘decidedly underwhelming’, but as a Southampton fan I take issue with it as your assessment of Ronald Koeman’s spell at St Mary’s (yesterday’s Fiver). In two years he achieved Southampton’s highest-ever Premier League finishes (seventh then sixth), Big Vase qualification twice and in his second season broke into the top six at the expense of plucky Liverpool and Chelsea, finishing just three points short of both Manchester clubs. Granted, the task of turning around two years of decidedly underwhelming performances from €300m worth of Luis Suárez, Antoine Griezmann and Ousmane Dembélé will inevitably end in failure, but if anything it’s all the more important that Koeman’s managerial career high-point on the south coast is treated with the respect it deserves” – Tim Miller (and 1,056 other Southampton fans).
“It’s not often that The Fiver gets its Big Paper-style, slam-banging editorial commentary out there ahead of well-respected sports journos, but you managed to do it this time – or do you just know someone in the RTE legal department who proofs all of Richie Sadlier’s slam-banging editorial commentary?” – Seamus Scanlan.
'A marketing strategy for a drinks brand' and 'far worse' - Just why are #Leipzig and #PSG so unpopular? @RichieSadlier explains #RTESoccer #RTESport #UCL pic.twitter.com/ZAl1iEAadu
— RTÉ Soccer (@RTEsoccer) August 18, 2020
“Dave Wilbur (yesterday’s Fiver letters) has obviously gone out of his way to crash the inbox of the Fiver [correct – Fiver Ed]. How could anyone read his request without being moved to reply? Cunning Dave, cunning. I fully expect no Fiver today as the fire crews damp down the charred remains of your server” – Rod deLisle.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Seamus Scanlan.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Fifa has extended Haitian football federation president Yves Jean-Bart’s suspension for alleged sexual abuse and also provisionally banned two other FHF officials, including the technical director Wilner Etienne.
After beating Lyon 3-0, Bayern Munich are getting ready for a Big Cup final date with fellow Doha airport duty-free shop merchants PSG. “We want to give it everything we have [and] try to win the title with another top performance,” cheered coach Hansi Flick.
Chelsea are closing in on Kai Havertz – closer than they were yesterday, not quite as close as they’ll be tomorrow – after holding further talks with Bayer Leverkusen.
Lille have literally told their young defender Gabriel Magalhães where to go. The club have agreed terms with both Arsenal and Napoli and are now generously acting as Gabriel’s Mr 15%, best friend, heart and head. “The choice is going to be made probably between today or tomorrow,” tooted their president Gerard Lopez. “We’ve told him where we think he should go.”
Some better news for Wigan.
Marcelo Bielsa is “very, very close” to signing a new contract at Leeds, according to a club suit.
The irresistible force known as Adama Traoré has been called up by Spain for their Nations League fixtures in September.
And reports in Spain suggest that, after signing Joe Hart, Spurs boss José Mourinho wants to make Gareth Bale his next geriatrico. You’re thinking about Ricardo Carvalho now, aren’t you.
STILL WANT MORE?
It’s nearly go time in Women’s Big Cup again, so here are our final team guides: PSG and Wolfsburg, plus an interview with Glasgow City’s Janine van Wyk.
Floating brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson on why Bayern’s Thomas Müller is the spaceman from a different galaxy.
What now for Lyon? Eric Devin has some thoughts.
And Sid Lowe wishes Ronald Koeman luck because he’ll probably need it.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
