A Reddit user recently sparked a heated discussion after revealing she's been secretly saving $500 a month in a private account her husband doesn't know about. Over two years, she's built up $12,000—all while her spouse continues to spend on travel, tech, and home upgrades with no interest in budgeting or planning ahead.
A Safety Net Or A Betrayal?
The original poster, who has been married for six years, described herself as the saver in the relationship and her spouse as the spender. She said that after being “brushed off” repeatedly when bringing up savings goals, she started quietly putting money aside. To her, the hidden stash is “a safety net—for emergencies, job loss, or (worst case) divorce.”
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But now she’s torn. “It feels smart and responsible,” she wrote in r/povertyfinance recently. “But also like lying. If my spouse found out, they'd see it as betrayal.”
Many Redditors weighed in, with reactions ranging from support to concern. While many agreed that having personal savings is wise, others pointed out that secrecy in a marriage often signals deeper issues.
“You’re treating symptoms while the disease is eating away at your marriage,” one commenter wrote. “The money thing is just gonna keep getting worse until you two actually sit down and have the hard conversation about financial goals.”
Another added: “The fact that you had to hide and can't talk about this freely with your partner needs far more examination than the emergency fund itself.”
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A Common Move Among Spenders And Savers
Some shared similar stories, saying they'd done the same thing to protect themselves. “When the sh*t hit the fan and he freaked, I had $8k in a savings account he didn't know about to cover it,” one person said. “Then he got mad that he hadn't been able to spend that money.”
Others viewed the move as just common sense. “It is absolutely reasonable (and a very good idea) to have your own money in your own account,” one commenter said. “You shouldn't feel you have to keep it secret.”
One financial professional even chimed in: “I own a wealth management firm. I’m a fan of all people having an individual bank account with between $10-20k in it. Both spouses. It's just smart to have your own cushion.”
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The Divorce Question
While OP said she hoped to never use the money in a separation, the idea that the savings could be part of a potential divorce struck a nerve. “You’re literally squirreling money away in case of divorce,” one critical user commented. “People in healthy relationships don’t do that.”
Still, many emphasized that financial incompatibility is a serious issue that can cause long-term damage if ignored. “This isn't a money issue, it's a relationship issue,” one person said bluntly.
Some warned that if OP continues hiding the account, it could backfire. “If your spouse finds out another way, it will make things look that much worse because it will give the appearance that you're planning some sort of escape fund or secret life fund,” one person said.
The consensus? Keeping an emergency fund is wise, but secrecy between partners can chip away at trust. As one commenter put it: “You are protecting your future. If I’d had your smarts when I was younger, I wouldn’t have stayed with my first husband as long as I did.”
Still, for many, OP’s move was seen less as a betrayal and more as a necessary act of self-preservation.
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Image: Shutterstock
