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Henry Payne

Henry Payne: The Hummer EV SUV is a crabwalking, neck-snapping, off-roading, mobile charging station

SAN FRANCISCO — Once upon time, Detroit automakers debuted crazy concept vehicles for auto shows like the six-wheeled Chrysler Voyager III and the V10-powered Tomahawk motorcycle and the 16-cylinder Cadillac Sixteen coupe.

Now, crazy gets put into production.

Behold the all-electric, 8,800-pound 2023 GMC Hummer SUV circus act in my hands. Four-wheel steer! 830 horsepower! Thirteen-inch suspension travel! Super Cruise drive assist! Zero-60 mph in a neck-snapping, Watts-to-Freedom-mode 3.5 seconds!

If you can afford this $105,000 calliope, you should park it in the neighborhood square like a playground attraction and schedule regular hours to show it off. Kids will love it.

With a looooooong press of the rotary mode selector in the console, I activated Crab Walk mode. Using the 4 Wheel Steer function (4WS) that turns the wheels in sequence, I glided from side-to-side down the road at 20 mph like an Olympic distance skater.

A great party trick, but its real purpose is to demonstrate the dexterity of 4WS which is useful in numerous ways. On San Francisco’s storied Lombard Street, I negotiated the tight brick ess-turns with ease. In the middle of cramped Dixon Street, I did a U-turn using Hummer’s ridiculous 35.4-inch turning radius (similar to a subcompact Chevy Bolt). And in the hills of Napa Valley north of Frisco, the big ute danced through tight radius turns. Try that in other mega-utes.

AWS comes in handy off-road, too, which is the Hummer’s natural habitat going all the way back to the badge’s origins as an Army troop carrier. Together with the electric Hummer pickup introduced in 2022, the ‘23 Hummer SUV was green-lighted for production to announce General Motors’ historic mission to go all-electric in the next 10 years.

GM calls that risky journey a moonshot, and the Hummer twins are decorated with moon references — tiny astronaut footprints on the dashboard, rubber mats etched with the Sea of Tranquility — to drive home the point.

Created in just 18 months, the Hummer pickup was fast-tracked to market and GMC is paying the price in hiccups, like a recall of all 2022 models to replace its enormous 200-kWh battery at a reported cost of $60,000 per truck. Fingers crossed the ‘23 Hummer SUV, which GMC expects to be the bigger seller, avoids those teething pains.

With its square jaw, broad shoulders, three amber lights (required for vehicles wider than 80 inches) and 35-inch tires, Hummer’s as hard to miss as a full moon. Californians gaped wherever I drove.

The SUV is little changed from the pickup. The interiors are identical, as are body panels from the rear doors forward. The few changes are significant.

The narrow greenhouse hatchback not only looks awesome, but allows Hummer to hang a full spare off the swing gate for easy access (the pickup spare is tied down in the bed, compromising cargo). And let’s face it, rear spares are fashionable in this Wrangler v. Bronco age. Who knows (nudge, nudge) maybe GMC will make a compact Hummer 2 to take on that terrific twosome. A word on the swing gate. It’s huge and would smack you like a flyswatter were it not for electronic sensors.

Hummer SUV’s wheelbase is a significant nine inches shorter than the pickup, giving the ute more maneuverability (see that turning radius above) and even crazier approach (49.6 inches) and departure (49 inches) angles. The last figure benefits from the lack of a bed hanging out back.

I look forward to taking Hummer off-roading in Michigan, as Napa Valley was under water after days of rain. Mud begged the question of weight. Though the SUV’s off-road specs are impressive — and magnified further by optional 35-inch BF Goodrich Mud Terrain tires (which you can air down in the console screen) — its 8,800 pounds give pause. To wit: if you get stuck, what will pull you out? Make sure there’s a Caterpillar front loader nearby.

Weight concerns aside, Hummer has more off-road tricks. I recently high-sided a Ford Lightning — 8.4 inches of ride height standard — at Holly Oaks. Hummer has an answer for that, and it’s not just its 10.9 inches of ride height. The EV comes equipped with Extract Mode, which raises its skirts to 16 inches off the ground.

Hummer SUV also differs from the pickup by offering less range. The shortened wheelbase comes at the expense of fewer battery cells. And while the First Edition Hummer I tested still had three electric motors, its Watts-to-Freedom mode is slightly slower.

Watts to Freedom? Yes, Hummer SUV launches from 0-60 mph in “only” 3.5 seconds, shy of the pickup’s 3.OMG. To give you a sense of how incredible 3.5 still is, it’s the same as a Porsche 911 S. Really.

Pile the kids into the roomy back seat (it’ll hold a first grade class) and give them the full Watts-to-Freedom show. It takes a few moments, but it’s worth watching the cool Unreal Engine graphics walk you through the process: 1) Double-tap the traction control switch, 2) wait for the Hummer to crouch to just seven inches off the ground like a steel cheetah, 3) flatten the brake and accelerator pedals, 4) release the brake.

5) To the moon, Alice.

Oh, the kids will howl with delight. But once back to earth, you’ll appreciate the most practical update for Hummer SUV over pickup: an onboard generator.

EVs are notorious for underestimating battery range, and Hummer is no different. I got about 80% of expected range during my Bay Area drive. Watts to Freedom, 75 mph speeds on interstates and 50-degree weather will do that.

But if you come across another prone EV, you can charge them up thanks to a 19.2 kWh, on-board charger and plug accessory. How? 1) Plug the charge chord into the prone EV, 2) plug the accessory plug into the other end of the cable, 3) plug into your Hummer’s charge port. The recharge rate is about as quick as a 240-volt Level 2 wall outlet — or about 24 miles in an hour.

It’s not as sexy as Watts to Freedom, but it should be enough to get an EV to the next charging station.

2023 GMC Hummer EV SUV

Vehicle type: Battery-powered, all-wheel-drive four-door SUV

Price: $79,995, including $1,995 destination charge ($106,645 First Edition as tested)

Powerplant: 177.3-kWh (est.) lithium-ion battery driving two or three electric motors

Power: 830 horsepower, 1,200 pound-feet of torque (First Edition)

Transmission: Single-speed automatic

Performance: 0-60 mph, 3.5 seconds (mfr.); top speed, 124 mph

Weight: 8,800 pounds

Fuel economy: Est. range, 250-280 miles

Report card

Highs: A rolling tech exhibition; mobile charger

Lows: 8,800 pounds; heavy sticker, too

Overall: 4 stars

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