Firstly, my condolences. There are few online experiences worse than having your notifications stormed by what feels like a pitchfork-wielding mob out to wilfully misunderstand your point.
It’s like coming under the Eye of Sauron, when innocuous banter with strangers and funny videos of dogs have led you to momentarily forget you’re in Mordor.
As a community, Twitter can be brittle, impulsive, smart-alecky, very “woke” to social injustice in all its nuances and results-oriented – whether those results be retweets or a firing.
It’s partly a failure of the form: the 140-character limit demands you take shortcuts that often lead to misunderstandings and blinds you to the best in others’ intentions. Just try beginning every tweet with, “I see what you’re getting at, but don’t you think ...”
That combination means Twitter is inclined to indignant outrage, on an apparently self-perpetuating basis. Slate documented “everything you were angry about on social media” of every day in 2014 – a similar calendar for 2016 would have to be updated hourly.
The new issue of furious twitter egg magazine is out tomorrow! Don't forget to pick up your copy! pic.twitter.com/K7ITYWybhJ
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) November 28, 2016
I don’t mean to sound glib about these uproars. Much – even most – of the time, they’re prompted by people being sexist or racist or in other ways ignorant or unjust, which is absolutely worth getting angry about.
Of course, in saying that, I may just be trying to avoid being lambasted myself. (Don’t @ me.)
It’s an unsettling experience, being on the receiving end of often personal criticism from tens, if not hundreds, sometimes thousands of people.Not every tweet sent your way may be abusive or even snarky, but in the worst cases the onslaught reaches a critical mass where you simply feel overwhelmed and defensive.
Backed into a corner, with people combing over your every reply, it’s hard not to compound the situation.
When your risk of being misunderstood is so high, I suggest a succinct but honest response. Own up to what you’ve gotten wrong, but do not reply to every tweet, definitely not any from faceless Twitter “eggs”. You give power to each tweet you acknowledge, so at least choose those that are comprehensible. They may take you a while to find in among the dumpster fire that is your mentions.
If it’s appropriate, you could articulate your response in a “short statement”, either in a series of tweets or a screencapped note tweeted as an image. Taylor Swift’s request to be “excluded from this narrative” earlier this year is a classic of the genre (if, in my opinion, a little overlong).
Of course, she had the benefit of a squad of PR professionals to help her draft it; you may, if you like, email me.
That moment when Kanye West secretly records your phone call, then Kim posts it on the Internet. pic.twitter.com/4GJqdyykQu
— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) July 18, 2016
Whatever you do, do not court support by quoting your aggressors’ tweets with a searing comeback or starting your replies with “.@”, thereby involving all of your followers. This is the equivalent of calling your mum for backup and means you have lost. Piers Morgan does it all the time.
It is possible to emerge from a Twitter storm without having had your self-respect torn to pieces. But neither grovelling for forgiveness nor laboriously correcting those who are intent on misunderstanding you are the way.
It's 'you're'. https://t.co/1JAoS5mKI4
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) December 7, 2016
I’m reminded of a rugby league player who was hounded by a reporter for making a slightly off-colour joke on the field: he simply refused to express any contrition and the tedious spot fire was extinguished within 24 hours.
This is not a one-size-fits-all response, but it’s a reminder that you can choose how much weight you give to a situation.
Once you’ve tweeted your piece, the next step is non-negotiable: logging off.
Leave your phone at home. Go for a hike, play with a dog or film a plastic bag in the wind (on a device that’s not internet-enabled) – anything that reminds you of the beauty in the world. Take comfort in the fact that Twitter’s attention span is fleeting and its users are only a small proportion of the population.
In fact, it’s been called a “dying medium”.
You will get through this.
If you have a question about online etiquette that needs damage control, email elle.hunt@theguardian.com or tweet her at @mlle_elle.
