Even if Hello! had been around in the days of the little baby Jesus it could not have been more thrilled about exclusive manger shots of Him as it was about securing the first pictures of Brangelina's new twins.
And so after Hello! hit the newstands a day earlier than normal in a lather of excitement over its "fabulous", "unique", exquisite" [and most expensive ever] victory over OK! magazine, we discover that the most anticipated babies of two millennia look, amazingly, just like babies. Quite cute babies. Quite cute babies who are profoundly and unmovably asleep. In one thrill-packed shot one of them yawns.
The rest of the family, who have all been corralled together for the photos (no wonder it covers 17 pages) provide more interest, and beg many questions. Why are Brad and Ange dressed only in white, or variations thereof? Is that really practical for the parents of six children? Can they tell which twin is which? Brad looks confused. Why is Shiloh wearing a t-shirt saying "George"? That cannot mean "at Asda", surely? Why is Pax wearing a tie? Why is he wearing a tie and no top? Is he in a band? Why does Maddox (the original and, frankly, still the best Jolie-Pitt child) only get one shot (it looks like two, but study them closely and you'll see that they've blown up a detail from the group shot he is in to cover another page)? Are they embarrassed because he's got blue hair? Are they just a bit bored of him now? Why can we not shake the feeling that Zahara's the one who's really pulling all the strings?
And why, even post-natal, sleep deprived and surrounded by enough children to populate an entire episode of Sesame Street does any picture of Jolie or Pitt look a thousand times better than any picture you will ever see of yourself, ever, ever, ever?
