Morrissey loves dogs and cats. When the Telegraph asked if he preferred cats to people, he said: “I don’t have much choice. People don’t like me.” This month alone, he’s attacked Australia’s plan to sling 2m feral cats on the barbie, and written (by post, and everything) to the home secretary, Theresa May, to protest against a beagle-breeding-for-animal-testing facility in east Yorkshire. This weekend, he played what he claims are likely to be his “final ever UK shows” in Hammersmith, west London, which coincided with the opening of a pop-up “Morrissey’s Mporium” merch store at the Battersea Dogs & Cats Home, selling everything from signed vinyl to pet tags to Morrissey-branded cat litter (probably). But just because Moz likes cats and dogs, does that mean they like Moz? Staff at the home already play music to help relax the animals – and kindly agreed to let us find out.
Last of the International Playboys – Morrissey
Reviewed by: Lucy, Lawrence, Leo and Lizzy
We start with some early solo stuff, for an audience of four-week-old kittens who were abandoned in a cardboard box by a bus stop. They huddle together until the music starts, when Lizzy – the most inquisitive – comes over and rubs herself over the iPod speaker, possibly mistaking it for another cat, clearly drawn to it by Mozza’s dulcet tones. A success.
Paws out of 5: 2
The Best of the Smiths
Reviewed by: Ruby the staffie cross
Ruby barely raises her head from her bone at Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now and Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me, but perhaps they just didn’t speak to her. After all, Ruby isn’t human, even if she does need to be loved just like everybody else does. Even (Go On, Throw Me That) Rubber Ring (I’ll Bring It Back, Honest) fails to raise a stir. The Smiths are too energetic for this pup, and with There is a Light ... she falls into Smiths-filled slumber. Damning.
Paws out of 5: 4
Alsatian Cousin – Morrissey
Reviewed by: Mollie the greyhound
Turns out there’s only one Morrissey or Smiths song with an actual dog breed in the title. I hope it’s appropriate. Maybe four-year-old Mollie does have an Alsatian for a cousin? She seems to like it, anyway, enthusiastically spinning around and chasing her own tail. “On a forecourt on a Friday / Passing my way / Were you and he lovers?” sings Morrissey. I think Mollie knows more than she’s letting on.
Paws out of 5: 5
Unhappy Birthday – The Smiths
Reviewed by: Major the akita cross
This Strangeways, Here We Come album track contains the unfortunate line, “Surely you’re happy? / It should be this way / I say, ‘No, I’m gonna kill my dog’”. Still, if any dog can handle such canine blasphemy, seven-year-old Major can. He’s a hard mutt to read. He wags his tail, but that could mean anything from he’s hungry to he needs the loo. When he runs out of the room almost exactly at the point of the “kill my dog” lyric, however, in a Morrissey-style protest, it’s clear he’s not impressed.
Paws out of 5: 2
