Breaking news (ish): Stunning blonde charity worker and mother of one, Heather Mills McCartney, 39, appeared on several British TV shows today to complain about her unfair demonisation during her divorce and respond to accusations of gold-digging made in the British media.
In honeyed tones, she approached GMTV and This Morning in order to better alert the public to the fact that the vile, malicious British media had subjected her to a campaign of attention that she was entirely unhappy about. While on GMTV she likened the situation to that of the McCanns, this was later adjusted to being far more like Princess Di.
I was lucky enough to catch Ms Mills McCartney's second appearance, on the This Morning show, and was particularly impressed with her adept handling of Fern and Philip's good cop/bad cop interview technique.
She was graceful yet firm when faced with unsolicited advice by a phone-in lawyer who, in the eyes of Philip Schofield, represented the majority of the British public in believing Ms M&M to be being dealt an unfair hand by the fickle gods of the PR/Press community.
Then, when challenged by Fern Britton about why she'd chosen to tackle the largely offensive press with a large press offensive, hugely huggable Heather was almost unflappable, and with only an attractive (if uncontrollable) twitch in the corner of her eye informed the roundly abrasive Britton that it was important she (Heather) remain in the public eye, because she is, she would like us to understand is "RESPONSIBLE for NINE countries".
In case this caused any of Ms MillyMacMac's innumerable fans to worry about her stability, we should inform them that the golden-haired dancefloor angel was cut off, unable to finish that sentence, and probably meant to finish it with something eminently sensible. Luckily, Heather was soon able to prove whatever point it was she was probably going to make by bringing out an A2 portfolio of clippings from the press saying what an angel and a marvellous advocate for amputees, dogs, cats, landmine-victims and many other groups she is. Mainly, as far as we could see, from tabloid press pages, although it was difficult to tell.
There when followed questions about nasty press intrusion and perhaps a little unwisely, our heroine then went on to compare herself to Princess Diana, 'Queen of Hearts etc TM' - although thoughtfully stopped short of comparing herself to Kate McCann again, as on this morning's GMTV. Probably, always mindful of others, she didn't want to give the poor woman more press attention (on top of the joint picture spreads they'll unfortunately be getting after this morning's heroic outburst).
Anyway, the serious intention of this morning's multiple media appearances by the delightful (soon to be single, boys!) demi-divorcee was to encourage the public to go to her website and sign a petition against the machinations of the horrible mass media. It's a great idea. That's a direct quote. The full quote was "I was on the phone this morning to Gordon Brown and he thought it was a great idea." I think she meant the Prime Minister, but it is a common name, so we possibly shouldn't speak too soon and that.
Still, we all know, being mean is just wrong. We would therefore love to help Heather in her quest to destroy the media through the media with her handy book of media clippings by her side, but sadly only heard her say the name of her website twice, and whatever variation of spelling and http convention we tried to reach the site, we kept ending up on sites selling medically approved cosmetics and spam search engines.
If we were wrong, we would be deeply obliged if someone could give us the url so we could toddle along and publicly denounce ourselves. If we are right in our attempted surfing, we would like to congratulate the lovable ex-Beatle-wedder on branching out into a new business. Internet spam, it's a brilliant money spinner, Heather. Well done.
