I have a confession: I had two cakes for lunch. I'm planning to have another one at teatime. Worse, this is no one-off: jam today and jam tomorrow, I say. After all, it's dark, it's cold, mostly it's wet, and icing sugar numbs the pain so effectively. Now you might think that if I want to turn into a walking pudding, that's my business, right? Wrong. Walking puddings must be dealt with by management. Fast. Before they become blancmange. So Weight Watchers is coming to work. I'm all for being healthy and not being a burden on the NHS - but being weighed at work? In front of your colleagues? Worse, in front of your boss? The shame of it! It's almost enough to persuade me to put back my treacle treat and grab an apple instead. Almost.
The problem is of course, that I'm not very good at consequences. I eat four cakes (yum!). Days later I realise I can no longer fit into my smart dress. This always strikes me as both a quandary (I've only the one smart dress) and a puzzle (how on earth could this have happened?). Luckily, I'm not looking for a new job, as apparently my appearance could be a deal breaker. I don't know what's more astonishing - that bosses really are going for looks over brains or that they admit to it. Then again, 25% admitted having difficulty understanding their own job descriptions and 41% said they felt the need to "use big words" to make an advertised position "sound better".
One group of people who definitely deserve more cakes are call centre workers. As if it wasn't hard enough calling up random members of the public who either slam the phone down, swear or patronise you, call centre staff now have to put up with the likes of entrepreneur Karen Darby adding her two cents worth. "They are notoriously underpaid, and if you pay peanuts ..." she says, helpfully, in this story in Management Today. Unsurprising, then, to find that call centre staff take more sick days than anyone else in the UK.
Anyway, management would do well to take a good long look at themselves, before they start pointing fingers at those of us lower down the food chain. It's all very well sounding off about how staff on the ground pull sickies, but at least we can be trusted to come up with an imaginative excuse. Whereas research from consultancy Endaba suggests that CEOs aren't to be trusted with … well, anything. Half of all UK employees think their CEOs don't care about staff, and 40% reckon they don't say what they mean. Which, all things considered, is rather depressing. Depressing enough to put all thoughts of dieting out of my mind. In fact, I think I might have that extra cake after all.
