Dear Coleen, I’m a divorced woman aged 41 and have two young children with my ex. A couple of years ago, I met a great guy and we started dating.
We’re so different – he’s very laidback and sweet, whereas I’m more fiery and go-getting. He’s also very different to my ex, but in a good way – ie, he’s not a demanding, grumpy control freak.
My problem is, deep down, I know I need to end it because my heart isn’t in it and I can’t see us being together long-term.
The things I loved about him are starting to irritate me and I think we’re just too different in terms of our personalities and what we want out of life.
What would you tell this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section
The problem is, I can’t seem to do it because he’s a great person, wonderful with my kids and an all-round really sweet guy. Several of my friends have told me I won’t find anyone better or anyone else who’s so considerate and good with my children.
I know all this stuff, but I can’t change how I feel – my gut is telling me to end it. How can I do it and not feel awful. And will I regret my decision? I’d love your advice.
Coleen says
I don’t think it’s fair to stay with him because he’s a sweet guy and you “might not find anyone better”.
The opposites attract thing is often very exciting at first but, in a long-term relationship or when you’re challenged, these differences can end up being the nail in the coffin.
Also, I think if there isn’t a spark there or any physical chemistry, that’s also a bad sign. Being a nice guy and good with your kids isn’t enough to sustain a relationship.
Get all the latest news straight to your inbox. Sign up to one of the Mirror's newsletters
I’m afraid there’s no easy way to break up with someone, especially if you really care about them as a friend. You just have to rip the plaster off I’m afraid. He will be upset, but hopefully he’ll appreciate that he deserves to be with someone who’s committed to him and loves him back.
I think you’ll also have to tread carefully with your kids here, who’ve obviously formed an attachment to your partner. They’ll be upset and confused, too, so think about how you’re going to explain it to them and give them time to process it.
I don’t know if you’ll regret the decision, but if your gut is telling you it’s the right thing to do, then go with it.
