In a video with over 41,000 views, @uhlirlxnlbn cleared the air on some comments she had been receiving from her audience. Specifically, many TikTok commenters told her she was too ugly to be dating her boyfriend, which she counteracted in an interesting and amusing way.
“People keep saying I’m way ugly in comparison to my boyfriend. My athleticism is 10 times his,” said @uhlirlxnlbn. “My hand-eye coordination is insane. You put me on a court, a field, and ice rink, and I will dominate.”
@uhlirlxnlbn further clarified, “I was a d1 hockey player. He’s not dating for looks. He’s dating for genetics.”
Commenters were baffled and confused by the video, telling @uhlirlxnlbn that she’s already attractive. One viewer wrote, “But you are gorgeous. I’m confused.”
Why do many women think they aren’t attractive enough?
It’s incredibly likely that @uhlirlxnlbn has been told that she’s “not attractive enough,” and is deflecting the commentary in a humorous way that doesn’t actually reflect her self-conception. One of the reasons @uhlirlxnlbn’s response comes across so well is that it focuses on other qualities that make her attractive to her partner. In essence, she doesn’t pretend to be perfect or “have it all,” despite being an attractive person. Many people, however, feel a common thread that they are attractive in “other ways” that aren’t related to their looks.
There are multiple studies, articles, and blog posts that assert that women are incredibly self-critical. The image of the “perfect woman” permeates both genders, creating unrealistic expectations that people engage with, even if it’s in a relatively “healthy” way. It’s difficult to circumnavigate the idea that a woman should be intelligent, attractive, perfectly kind, and a little self-effacing. Megan MacCutcheon, a published workbook author and self-esteem coach, described this idea by saying, “By nature we tend to make comparisons, so of course when a woman’s comparing herself to what she sees in advertising or the media, she’s going to wind up coming up short.
Many comments pointed out the fact that @uhlirlxnlbn is an attractive woman, however. TikTok content creators, and people in the general public eye, are incredibly likely to receive undue harassment and hate in online circles. Online harassment can have a negative effect on self-conception and mental health, even in small doses. Despite many people recognizing that @uhlirlxnlbn isn’t an unattractive person, it’s entirely possible that being public-facing has led to increased expectations surrounding her image.
@uhlirlxnlbn #viral #trending #fyp ♬ nhạc nền – uhlirlxnlbn
Issues for both genders when dating
For those that don’t regularly receive hate, though, it’s still common to feel that 70% of people feel some sort of Imposter Syndrome. In general, people can be harsh on themselves, especially in comparison to their partners. Men are more likely to say that their partners are more physically attractive than they are on average, and deflect toward other “means” of attractiveness, such as being funny, intelligent, or having power.
There’s a common trope that “funny guys” attract women, but many men still feel deep insecurities that are worth taking into account, even if they have other attractive qualities. For some men, they are confident enough to say that they feel incredibly attractive by nature of being kind, humorous or intelligent. For others, though, self-esteem can feel like a tar pit.
The Mary Sue tried to reach out to @uhlirlxnlbn, but she was unavailable for comment.
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