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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Sport
Paul Doyle

He must destroy Morocco

Cristiano Ronaldo
Just the latest terrible sculpture of Him. Photograph: VCG/VCG via Getty Images

FONTAINE OF ETERNAL YOUTH

And on the Seventh Day He did not rest, for His work was not done. On the contrary, the hat-trick against Spain was only the beginning. For His next feat, on the seventh day of the Ethics World Cup, He must destroy Morocco. It will be a duty more than a pleasure because He has admiration for Hervé Renard, very much His kind of manager. But Portugal need a win, idols can have no peers and, what’s more, there’s another Frenchman who’s been annoying Him for a long time who needs sorting: Just Fontaine scored a hat-trick in his first match in 1958 and another two in his second game en route to a World Cup goal tally of 13, which remains a record, which is intolerable to Him.

Saudi Arabia are also in action on Wednesday but, sadly for Him, not against Portugal. Instead the Saudis will aspire to winning a tackle against Uruguay before losing their latest Group A fixture by a single-digit score. But no bookie in Riyadh is taking bets on that. Or on anything else, for that matter.

Meanwhile, in Wednesday’s other match in Portugal and Morocco’s group (B), Spain are wary of being thwarted by a Portuguese for the second time in the tournament, as they prepare to do battle with Carlos Queiroz’s Iran. Germany’s defeat by Mexico has reminded them that underdogs must be put down not fed. “What happened to Germany can happen to anyone,” warned Spain’s new gaffer Fernando Hierro.

Iran’s manager had a warning of his own. “We do not have supermen like Spain but we can do super things,” bugled Queiroz, who revealed he will deploy a different plan to the one that yielded victory against Morocco, presumably because fluking a win through an own goal after being totally outplayed is not a plan at all. “Against Spain everybody from their goalkeeper to their striker can create things so we need a different strategy,” spoofed Queiroz.

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Paul Doyle at 1pm BST for hot MBM coverage of Portugal 2-0 Morocco, Barry Glendenning for Uruguay 3-1 Saudi Arabia at 4pm and Jacob Steinberg for Iran 0-2 Spain at 7pm.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Football is not just the sport itself but what it means socially, how it brings people together. To see the stadium full with almost 45,000 people and to hear that it was mostly supporting us – not just people from Panama but Panamanians from around the world. I saw a Belgian married to a Panamanian, one in each kit. Football is a lovely party. We didn’t know Russia and they don’t know Latin America. And seeing the Panama flag everywhere in Sochi, I owe that to these lads” – Sid Lowe moves up in the world for this chinwag with Juan Carlos Varela, the president of Panama.

Your man in the middle, there.
Your man in the middle, there. Photograph: Yegor Aleyev/Tass

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

Here’s the latest World Cup Football Daily podcast, with Max Rushden and co, and you can find it in this general area every matchday evening.

SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN

Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism – the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us by making a one-off or recurring contribution.

FIVEЯ LETTERS

“Now when Harry Kane scores for England, they mention he has scored every time he has captained the team. But so has Chris Smalling and look where that got him” – Graham Haslam.

“Peter Oh’s letter about VAR and referees watching glowing screens (yesterday’s FiveЯ letters), made me realise that Fifa has missed a golden opportunity to create World Cup VAR Gogglebox. Simply replace the current nameless faceless technicians and officials with some random members of the public and … hey presto! Instant Fifa celebrities to endorse whatever dubious fossil fuel organisation it chooses to promote” – Trevor Martin.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Rollover.

THE RECAP

Get the best of Big Website’s coverage sent direct to your inbox every Friday lunchtime (BST). Has the added bonus of being on time. Sign up here.

BITS AND BOBS

Ruben Loftus-Cheek is in line to make his first Ethics World Cup start, against Panama on Sunday, with Dele Alli likely to miss out with thigh-gah!

We may have seen the last of Mo Salah in Russia. “I was told the player was feeling good,” sniffed Egypt boss Héctor Cúper. “He couldn’t prepare with us in all the sessions, trained alone, so perhaps his total physical ability was slightly reduced.”

Japan and Senegal fans have set a trend that England supporters will definitely follow by litter-picking after their games on Tuesday. Meanwhile, Senegal boss Aliou Cissé says his team were turbo-charged against Poland because they were “playing for Africa”.

Alan Sugar is a piece of work.

Moscow bars are running out of mood-enhancer for thirsty fans. “We just didn’t think they would only want beer,” gasped a waiter, who might be the most naive person in the world.

Non-World Cup news dept: the Football League expects safe standing to be permitted in all four divisions of English football by the 2019-20 season.

Union Jack Wilshere is going to see himself out of the Arsenal door marked Do One. “Following my meeting with the new manager I was made aware that although the reduced contract offer remained, it was made clear to me that my playing time would be significantly reduced should I decide to stay,” sniffed Wilshere.

And after signing Issa Diop for £22m, Taxpayers FC have continued to bolster their rearguard by snaffling Lukasz Fabianski for a super secret fee from Swansea.

STILL WANT MORE?

Ten things we have learned from the first round of Ethics World Cup games. Go on, count them.

Russia
Russia, baby. Photograph: Felipe Trueba/EPA

Are any 1990s World Cup stars still playing professional football? The Knowledge investigates.

Raheem Sterling and England’s supporting cast must find their shooting boots, writes Daniel Taylor.

The worst World Cup teams: will Saudi Arabia avoid the list? asks Ben Fisher.

Dogs biting monkeys, Gabriel Batistuta’s n1pples and the re-education of Uruguay: the ongoing genius of Óscar Tabárez. By Jonathan Wilson.

This quiz is … all about that base, ‘bout that base, no trouble. Honestly.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

TRYING TO SALVAGE THE IMAGE OF UNICORNS

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