In mental images we definitely need today, Donald Trump has provided the world with his musings on who’d triumph in a swimsuit contest between him and Joe Biden. Lord only knows why this of all things is on his mind right now, but it came up when a journalist asked him whether he’d like to visit Argentina.
Given that Trump has just bailed out Javier Milei’s failing government to the tune of $20 billion of American taxpayers’ money, he should expect a ticker-tape parade through the streets of Buenos Aires.
But Trump didn’t just smile and say he’d love to visit if he had the time, his scientific curiosity of a brain tossed up a fictional swimsuit contest between him and Joe Biden. And, in what might be a first for Trump, he imagined a contest in which he loses!
Donald Trump:
— Spencer Hakimian (@SpencerHakimian) October 14, 2025
"I would like to go to the beach, like Biden. My legs are not quite as thin as his. My body is a little bit larger than his. I’m not sure it would be appreciated on the beach. Biden looked good in a bathing suit."
pic.twitter.com/63WygtDYd3
“I would like to go to the beach, like Biden. My legs are not quite as thin as his. My legs are slightly heavier, my arms are slightly larger. My body is a little bit larger than his. I’m not sure it would be appreciated on the beach. But I’m not going to take a chance.
You won’t see me on a beach. You won’t see me in a bathing suit on a beach in Argentina, falling down, not being able to lift a 3oz chair. Meant for old people to lift and he couldn’t lift it. He spent too much time on a beach. Somebody told him that he looked good in a bathing suit.”
Urgh. Pass me the brain bleach NOW.
Worst episode of Baywatch EVER
However, in the context of Trump’s near-constant barrage of insults directed at Biden, this is at least a rare moment of presidential modesty towards his predecessor, albeit still wrapped in general mockery of his appearance. Okay, look, I’m grasping for a silver lining here!
We also already know what Trump wears to the beach. In what looks suspiciously like Hank Hill cosplay, an old photo shows a beachbound Donald in jeans:
The more I look at this image the more questions I get
— Flixson (@Flixson123) October 15, 2025
Like many things Trump says, perhaps it’s just best to pretend this little Trump v Biden beach bod fantasy of his didn’t happen for the sake of all of our sanity.
