I'm so cross with myself, if I'd known Scott Capurro was going to trot out so many clichés that I'd actually be able to fill a page with them, I would have started my list as soon as I sat down. As it was, this is it from about t + 30. Let me unpick that, for those of you who've never joined the army for the greater good, like I did. This is the hoary old bilge he came out with from 30 minutes in. And don't think he'd saved the original/meaningful observations for the start. Ah ha. Not a chance...
Women can't do blowjobs... all teeth... [oh wait for it, wait for it! This is because they don't have a dick of their own, and of course it's ROCKET SCIENCE to work out how not to bite them]... Jews are tight, Scots are tight, women talk a lot... women are sensitive about their weight... some of them don't like to be called skinny and lots of them don't like to be called fat... Canadians say "oot" instead of "out" [Yes! Ten years after the South Park movie, he actually used this, like, er, a joke!]... women can't drive... Chinese people are hairless... straight men can't dance, straight men are funny when they dance at weddings, straight men are really just gay men who haven't had enough to drink, young white people often try to talk like young black people, when white people try black manoeuvres like flicking their fingers, it sometimes looks a bit stupid...
[Deep breath, there's a whole heap more...] In small towns there is a lot of inbreeding, and sheep, and people sometimes shag the sheep [Oh boom boom! OH MY SIDES!] Americans aren't very good at geography, George Bush isn't very intelligent, neither country does terribly well with foreign policy [though after his embarrassing, sixth-form sketch of the situation as it stands in Pakistan, I'd take Bush in charge over Capurro, no problem. And I don't say that lightly]...lesbian are burly, lesbians are ugly, lesbians are aggressive, Liverpudlians steal.
Unbelievably dim and tedious. Though it has occurred to me that if you went with friends, devised a score card and played cliché bingo, it might be fun. In a weird way.
